Fraserburgh

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Fraserburgh (locally known as The Broch) is a town in Aberdeenshire.

Get in[edit]

As Fraserburgh is one of the largest ports in the north east the most convenient way of getting here is on board a fishing vessel, many of which regularly dock in Fraserburgh to offload their cargo once they have finished pillaging the rapidly depleting surrounding waters.

Visitors wishing to arrive by road regularly find their way blocked around Philorth as police close the road to untangle the twisted remains of a Vauxhall Corsa or Citroen Saxo from one of the many trees that line the route.

Traditional and entertaining transport can be sampled in nearby Strichen, where local entrepreneurs have set up a sheep-hire business. Said ovines are trained to sniff their way to Fraserburgh, thus recreating for the tourist the legendary entry into Fraserburgh of Pope Pius XII, who arrived on sheep-back in 1532 in order to get a pie from the Spar after visiting Alex Salmond.

I believe Lord Alex (the anointed one) is actually a vegan, thus this posting is in error and should be taken thus.

Get around[edit]

Although regular town service buses are in operation taxi's are cheap and walking is ill-advised at night as violence and similar problems have been likened to that of Helmand Province on a bad day.

See[edit]

With over 400 years of heritage 'The Broch' as it is commonly known to locals has more than its fair share of attractions.

  • Broad Street Known locally as the 'Broadgate' this is the beating heart of the town. The now-bankrupt Woolworths took pride of place there for over 100 years. The street also provides a bargain hunters dream with a vast array of 2nd hand stores showcasing the finest in vintage clothing and goods, and is comparable to a Camden Town of the north east of Scotland.
  • The Flagpole An arena of vehicular acrobatics and a show of power, the place to be if you want to see modified sub-2litre engine cars drive at the very limits of their capabilities. The inspiration for Hollywood blockbuster move "The Fast and the Furious".
Fraserburgh Academy, local secondary school
  • Fraserburgh AcademyDennyduff Road, fraserburgh. The local secondary school is well-recognised in the local area for it's impressive roster of alumni. You are free to go in for a wander around, and watch out, you might bump into the next Bill Gates!
  • The Harbour Once filled with modest fishing vessels this is now largely populated by multi-million pound trawlers, a spectacle to behold, and a far cry from the days when locals used to lure fish to the shore with enchanting songs and dances before sending down local knights on horseback to attempt to convert the fish to Christianity. When it was found that fish were incapable of understanding the complexities of religion of the time they were slain, and it was then discovered the fish were edible. This is directly reference by the modern day 'Cod Crusaders' which pay respect to these early crusading knights. Compare and contrast the obvious value of these multi-million pound vessels with the oft-heard claims of "poor" fishermen in the area (see also: "poor" farmers + latest BMW).
  • Leisure Centre The Broch's very own Reform club, it is an exclusive and well appointed venue where it can take up to several marriages or courtships before you can meet the "right" people in order to join. The downside to this is that the local and, it has to be said, friendly Easter European community have formally lodged a case in the EU court of Human Rights to try to overturn this. That aside it is a haven of peace and tranquillity where one can experience the best that the North East has to offer.

Do[edit]

Buy[edit]

In the Fish Market, one can sample the age-old delight of Spanish tobacco, freshly imported by any one of dozens of fish-lorry drivers and available at prices you won't find in the shops!

Eat[edit]

With such a diverse and multi-cultural melting pot of nationalities residing in Fraserburgh there are a great number of choices for one to indulge in the various unique culinary delights of the world:

  • Scottish Traditional Scottish delicacies such as battered fish and chips made with the freshest Haddock from the surrounding water can be found along the main street, other local favourites include battered pizza, battered burgers and battered Mars bars.
  • Moroccan La Casa serves up an authentic mixture of Scottish-Moroccan delights such as doner kebab and chips.
  • Indian The 'Taj' local Indian takeaway offers a taste of the East, with doner kebab and chips to name but a few.
  • Chinese Local Chinese takeaways are numerous and the highlights on the menu are usually deep fried chicken fillets and chips, sourced from battery hens from the nearby factories. Some offer equally delicious doner kebab.

Drink[edit]

Fraserburgh has a vibrant choice of nightlife, with a large concentration of bars in the town center area offering distinctive music, surroundings and clientelle.

  • Fraserburgh Leisure Center Food, drink and a quiet atmosphere not too dissimilar to a more expensive Wetherspoons bar with less character.
  • Bellslea Bar A trendy pool bar within sight of Fraserburgh FC's majestic Bellslea Stadium.
  • The Ship/Galleon An energetic atmosphere comes free with an alcoholic beverage at this venue which pays homage to Fraserburgh's long and distinguished fishing heritage.
  • Deejays An intimate yet bustling nightclub playing the latest in dance and popular hits, this is THE place to be on a Saturday night in Fraserburgh (when Aberdeen/Peterhead arent an option).
  • The Royal Don't let the regal and grandiose name fool you, this is in fact an attempt at irony at the Dickensian nature of the club, although the entrance and drinks prices remain disproportianate to the surroundings.
  • Balaclava Bar. Dedicated to showcasing the area's most amateur live bands, the Bala is a haven for the down-at-heel. Known for having a huge selection of juke-box music, more than you can shake a stick at, in fact (unless that stick is a Copyright Fraud Officer's baton). Named for the Battle of Balaclava, a pugnacious historical event re-enacted on the pavement outside most Friday and/or Saturday nights with various interesting weaponry.
  • Elizabethan One of the oldest and friendliest pubs in Fraserburgh, designed and build in a unique "L" shape, it offers the customer an unparalleled opportunity to get drunk in one of the three opulent bars. The "Sports" bar is the place to go for the younger crowd, where testerone fuelled bravado has been known to manifest in the occasional barny, though friendly and good humoured, the clientèle are very welcoming to other national and regional visitors. This is especially true of any English visitors, who can be assured of a warm visit to A & E afterwards. The cocktail bar is resplendent in its very authentic upholstery, staying true to the Elizabethan form and function, some of the decorative façades are actually rumoured to be authentic, though, it has to be said, they appear to be dated to earlier periods. The middle or "The Dreggs" bar is the heady mix of both incorporating the cosiness of the Irish Snug with the glamour of the East End of Glasgow. Here you can marvel at the ability to "spik shite" a colloquial expression of warmth and affection and experience the tightness of an aberdeen pocket. The burgers and toasties will warm the heart of anyone on a cold winters night.

Sleep[edit]

In summer there is abundant space in the camp site for those hardy souls who can put up the Seagull poo and the smell of piscine carcasses rotting in the sun.

Connect[edit]

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