Gomorrah is situated in the Biblical Middle East on the inviting shores of the Dead Sea.
A twin city to Sodom (famous for the invention of sodomy) and prone to being destroyed by angry deities with fire and brimstone, Gomorrah is a premier destination guaranteed as ideal for short stays and weekend getaways. The Gomorrah Convention and Visitors' Bureau urge and invite you to sample our fine hospitality and enjoy our calm breezes and beautiful sunsets by making us your first choice for your next pleasure or business trip.
Gomorrah is highly recommended with well-appointed lodgings featuring all modern amenities to make your romantic stay a magical one. Surround yourself with the wailing of demons, the cacophony of gnashing of teeth and the tears of the damned as you immerse yourself in the sights and sounds of bustling downtown Gomorrah. Relax and enjoy.
Understand
[edit]The hotspot for cool people and the perfect choice for romantic getaways, Gomorrah has long been overshadowed by its more famous neighbour Sodom but has much to offer and is absolutely not to be missed. Strategically located, we offer stunning panoramic views of Mount Sodom and the surrounding desert, while our diverse and eclectic array of annual festivals and promotions entice holiday makers to Gomorrah as a paradise for business and leisure travellers on the Road to Ruin.
Marketed as the best and greatest sin city of the Biblical Middle East with a privileged location overlooking the Dead Sea Works, Gomorrah has been lovingly restored to its historic grandeur after being both wiped off the map by angry gods and bypassed by a major freeway development, the Highway to Hell. Take a turn off the motorway and get back onto old Route 666, the Road to Ruin, which has been restored using thousands of shekels of government grants and paved with authentic brimstone of the era. Tacky neon lighting and an endless array of no-tell motels transport you back to the heyday of Route 666.
Get in
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- By road
- Gomorrah is located and situated on historic Route 666, the Road to Ruin, and is just minutes away from every major attraction in the region and everything in the next region.
- By rail
- Savour the scenic rail trip from Ozzy Osborne Station by going down the rails on a crazy train. An experience not to be missed.
- By air
- Gomorrah is served by Fly by Night Airlines and Bat out of Hell Airlines. Flights run frequently and the prices are very reasonable. Aero Lot also offers a scheduled Flight From Sodom.
Get around
[edit]Various beasts of burden may be purchased for a pound of flesh from merchants in our historic public square, which also boasts of the excitement of weekly slave auctions and an impressive line-up of products at affordable and reasonable prices.
Efficient and reliable taxi service is provided by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Whether destined for glory or utter ruin, you are just minutes away from everything thanks to our strategic location at the crossroads of Biblical doom.
See
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- Hop on the chairlift to the top of Mount Sodom, our local mountain of salt, to take in a breathtaking and stunning panorama of Sodom, Gomorrah and the Dead Sea.
Do
[edit]- Partake in our annual Gomorrahfest, an orgy of activity in which new perversions are invented nightly in a naked attempt to bring Gomorrah into the spotlight and out of the shadow of our more famous neighbour, Sodom. Give yourselves over to fornication, go after strange flesh and set forth for an example. Prizes awarded for originality and best effort.
- Visit our award-winning local orchards to gather Calotropis procera, the apples of Sodom. The fruit of the vine of Sodom is hollow and bitter, but that's no reason not to bring back a bushel as souvenirs of your visit to Gomorrah.
- Drop by the Sloppy Seconds Bakery for our weekly creampie eating contest, a pleasurable dining experience where cheap tarts and forbidden fruits are plentiful. Get your licks on Route 666.
Buy
[edit]It should be noted that Gomorrah is steps away from some of the best shopping in the region at the lowest prices. Sell your children into slavery for pennies a day, trade in your husbands and wives for newer models, purchase the souls of the damned and bring them to your friends back home as souvenirs of downtown Gomorrah's delightful market square. The options are truly endless and readily adapted to every budget and pocketbook.
Eat
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Budget
[edit]Our fine hospitality is unmatched anywhere outside the Sodom and Gomorrah region. On a strict budget? Begging for food? Our friendly merchants will give you money, then refuse to sell you any food. When you starve and die, they take the money back. April fools! The last time anyone tried to help the likes of you, we coated them with honey and hung them outside the city for the bees to eat them. Great fun for the whole family. Be sure to tip your waiter or waitress.
Midrange
[edit]Our hamburgers are authentic, each of them left over from the 1943 Operation Gomorrah bombing of Hamburg, Germany.
Lovers of hot BBQ pork ribs, fine country ham, bacon double cheeseburgers and olde-style pork sausage will find our great city to be a true dining Mecca. Nothing is quite like being struck down by Allah mid-meal when it comes to making your infidel dining experience a memorable one.
The desserts are just as sinful. You don't want to ask where we got the cream or what's in it.
Splurge
[edit]- Lot's Daughters Roadhouse, 9000 Desert Drive. Conveniently located on the road out of town to serve those fleeing divine retribution in Sodom and Gomorrah, this popular oasis offers an extensive wine list. Don't complain if your server takes advantage as soon as you pass out drunk. Cash, Visa/MC, Diners, Antioch Express cards honoured.
Drink
[edit]- Blood of the Martyrs, 13 Road to Ruin. Charming and delightful local bar and tavern where passing ruffians are invited to feast upon the blood of the martyrs. Order an entrée à la carte from our menu or try our fine wine list.
Sleep
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- Bates Motel, 666 Psycho Parkway. Enjoy a friendly welcome from this quaint and historic family-owned and operated motel near all major attractions. True luxury awaits you as proprietor Norman Bates and his friendly staff attend to your every need.
- Heartbreak Hotel, 56 Electric Avenue. A declining property established by a lonely man who jumped from an upper-story window to his death, this fine landmark just needs a little TLC to bring it back to the sparkling lustre of its heyday. Worth a stay and a visit for no other reason than a legend that Elvis Presley once passed through here in 1956.
- Hotel California, 1976 Hospitality Lane. We invite you into luxurious and sumptuous surroundings which will make any getaway an unforgettable experience. Fully equipped and well-appointed, mirrors on the ceilings, pink champagne on ice. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
- Procrustes Inn, 1792 Guillotine Avenue. A paradise for travellers, offering five star service. Every night just right; if you are too short for the bed you will be stretched to fit, if you are too tall you will be truncated.
Connect
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- Gomorrah Convention and Visitor Bureau, Route 666 (conveniently located near everything in the region). Complimentary but infernally slow wi-fi; our friendly staff will recount the entire history of the region from the beginning of time to doomsday while you wait for the first page to load. Extensive souvenir shop at great prices.
Go next
[edit]If you absolutely must leave Sodom and Gomorrah, don't look back. Lot's wife already tried that. Failing that, the Salt City becomes your next destination. Be sure to check out Salina and take the double-decker bus tour under the low overpass.