Wikivoyage:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

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Contents

See Also[edit]

Several entries were moved to separate pages for readability. To view those pages select the links below.

See also Wikivoyage:Joke articles for various pages proposed as April Fool's Day destinations over the years.

Soda[edit]

From French phrasebook:

Coke (soda
imbuvable (...)

Ol' faithful[edit]

From Norwegian phrasebook:

My hovercraft is full of eels. 
Luftputebåten min er full av åler. (...)

Backaches[edit]

From Tunisia:

Sleeping

Sleep with your head well posistioned on a pillow back aches are increasingly common in tunisia and other north east african states especially in unclimatised visitores to the country.

Jozona[edit]

Moved from Jozona by (WT-en) Evan 20:22, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

[[Image:Untitled.jpg|400px]]

Jozona is the 51st state found by ranch workers. It's main atraction is the John Kerry funslide located on Apple Head Street. On June 13th 2005 Congress aproved the state constitution.

Har! That picture's cracking me up. --(WT-en) Evan 20:35, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)
Also, the state song is "Visions of Jozona" by Bob Dylan. --(WT-en) Evan 20:39, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

Boynave[edit]

[[Image:mapofit.jpg]]

Boynave is the 52nd state in the union. The streets include, Chinatown, Gayland, Kidzone, and Osama bin Ladens cave.

Thesis[edit]

Intended for Europe#See but added directly here to save time by (WT-en) Evan

Many visitors to Europe believe that the experience is one of repetitive visit to cathedral after cathedral without any way of knowing when the process is going to end. This is known in some quarters as the Church-touring Thesis.


Someone finally deleted my joke. My joke is highlighted in bold text. -- (WT-en) Andrew H. (Sapphire) 22:18, 7 December 2006 (EST)
  • Saint Peter in Chains Cathedral 325 West Eighth Street, Phone: (513) 421-5354, Email: Info@StPeterinChainsCathedral.org, [1] - The European tourist pastime comes to Cincinnati! Saint Peter in Chains Cathedral is a beautifully ornate cathedral and recommended sight for anyone travelling through Cincinnati.

Antartica (sic)[edit]

Created by a mostly entertaining vandal who replaced Antarctica with this... -- (WT-en) Mark 10:07, 30 Jul 2005 (EDT)

+

+ + + + + + + + + + + +
[[Image:Afkarf.jpg|Flag.]].
N/A
Quick Facts
Capital Pink City
Government Dynasty
Currency Yellars, a cross between dollars and yen
Area total: 14 million sq km
land: 14 million sq km (280,000 sq km ice-free, 13.72 million sq km ice-covered) (est.)
Population 780,000
Language English
Religion All of them
 +  

Antartica was founded in 1012 by Aliens. The alien goverment moved their capital there in 1111. The king had a son and the mother was his intern Mo'nuco Le'wenska in 1115. It led to the divorce of the King and Queen and the marriage of the King and Le'wenska 2 months later when the Queen never remembered about going to the hospital. The prince never had a name untill 1146 when the king died. He changed it to Homer Jay Simpson Le'wenska. In 1158 he changed it to Homer Jay Simpson when Le'wenska died. He became king. When a group of Penguins in South Antartica started to rebell in 1170 led by a man who called himself Hank Hill, King Simpson called them traitors. A year later, in the hard winter of 1171, they called themselves Pokemon. People Okay Every Mannered Nation. It was coined by the co-founder, Butt Ers. In the spring of 1172, Hill and the Pokemon said that King Simpson had fathered an illegitament child. Simpson said it was false, but it was true. Betty Boop dated the king it got pregnate. Simpson needed to cover it up. So he called up Betty Boop, who was planing on anouncing her being pregnate, and asked her to marry her. The wedding was held a week later. During this time, the Pokemon said it was to cover up the Kings child. They had greater proof when a week later, Queen Betty Roborts Boop Jay Simpson the First said she was pregnate. 4 months later, Hill and ther rest of the Pokemon declared war. The goverment put the royal family in a secret chamber under the ocean floor. Weeks later, the Queen was in labor. The king grabed Boop, broke out of the chamber, found a crack in the ice and gave birth to Prince Robort Mo'nuca Boop Simpson the First on the battle feild. The battle going on was the Crack River Battle, where a land war was going on. The Pokemon had declared the half of the river on the east, but the Antarcians had declared all of the land. An Antarcian soilder had shot the king thinking he was a Pokemon. General Gribble backed off the war when he saw his king die, and the Pokemon had kept the land east of the river. The man that killed the King was hanged later. General Hill didn't want to see the king dead, just not controling every aspect of his life. But the Queen was on that battle feild with little Robort and she ran to a Antarcian military base. She was now the Monarch. She surrendered, giving the Pokemon complete control. On March 5th 1173, President Hank Hill and Vice President Butt Ers took control. An election would take place every seven years. As for the prince, Robort Simpson would later be elected President in 1250.

List of Presidents and Vice Presidents[edit]

  1. 1173-1187-Hank Hill-VP Butt Ears-Independance
  2. 1187-1194-Butt Ears-VP Tom Tucker-Independance
  3. 1194-1201-Burger King-VP Beg Fiut-New Age
  4. 1201-1215-Tom Tucker-VP El Ash Lie-Independance
  5. 1215-1222-Burger King-VP Kev En Bay Cin-New Age
  6. 1222-1229-Kev En Bay Cin-VP Tom Alek-New Age
  7. 1229-1239-Andy Presil-VP Kat Inahot-Independance
  8. 1239-1243-Kat Inahot-No VP-Independance
  9. 1243-1250-Tom Alek-VP Oliver Gordon-New Age
  10. 1250-1264-Robort Simpson-VP James Injulley-Simple Party
  11. 1264-1271-James Injulley-VP Doug Howard-Simple Party
  12. 1271-1281-Fred Rogers-VP Patrick Star-Independance
  13. 1281-1295-Patrick Star-No VP for 1281-1285, Juan Kerie 1285-1295-Independance
  14. 1295-1302 Juan Kerie-No VP for 1295-1299, Eric Cartman for 1299-1302-Independance
  15. 1302-Dave Allie-Zackery Roborts-New Age
  16. 1302-Zackery Roborts-New Age


Andy Presil resigned after people claimed he stole the election from Beg Fuit. Fred Rogers was killed by a crime still unsolved. Patrick Star was ditto that of Fred Rogers. At his inauguration parade, Dave Allie's limo was blown up by a moonman. Zackery Roborts went into the Pink House (the president's home) and the Pink House blew up. After that, the Moonmen invaded and took back Antartica and made the current residents slaves. They were ruled by dynastys.

  • Hi'tl Dynasty-1302-1442
  • A'Do'La'Fa-1302-1339
  • V'La'Da'Me'Re-1339-1384
  • Yo'R'Mo'Ma-1384-1442
  • Hu'ss'aan Dynasty-1442-1528
  • Sa'Da'Ma-1442-1514
  • Jo'H'Na-1514-1528
  • Bi'La'Di'an Dynasty -1528-1746
  • O'Sa'Ma-1528-1679
  • A'L'Go'Re-1679-1746
  • B'Sh'A Dynasty -1746-1818
  • Pe'Re'Se'Co'Te-1746-1760
  • Ge'Or'Ge-1760-1790
  • Du'Ba'Ya-1790-1818
  • C'Li'Ta'De'Na Dynasty -1818-2005
  • J'Ef'As'En-1818-1855
  • Bi'La-1855-1917
  • Hi'Li'Re'Yu-1917-2005
  • Kerry Dynasty -2005-Present
  • John-2005-Present.

The C'Li'Ta'De'Na Dynasty was the 5th Dynasty. When his father died in 1818, teenager J'Ea'Be B'Sh'A was too young for the throne, and he was turned into a slave untill he died in 1893. J'Ef'As'En C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill he died in 1855 at the age of 111. His son, 34 at the time, Bi'La C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill his death in 1917. By then, the people though that the new man to the throne, Hi'Li'Re'Yu C'Li'Ta'De'Na, was going to be their last. In 2005, after his 30th birthday, Hi'Li'Re'Yu's son, Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, was kidnapped. Hi'Li'Re'Yu called an alert. A video then came in that had Jay Leno, George W Bush, and among other Antarticions, with their leader Howard Dean, decapitating Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne. They called themselves "New Pokemon". Hi'Li'Re'Yu called troops to find them. They have only found two members, but they won't say a word after all the torture they did to them. Another video came in 5 days later where Dean said:

"After 700 years of this dictatorship we have revolted! We are not going to sit here as this moronic dynasty goes on! Hank Hill, he would have did the same thing as us if he were a-"

The rest was cut off.

7/30 Attacks[edit]

On June 9th 2005, two weeks after the murder of Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, CEO of FedEx Frederick Smith moved to Antartica and moved FedEx headquarters there. Howard Dean called him on the phone at his house in Antartica City. What followed was terror

On July 30th 2005 a FedEx plane flew into the Pink House and right after that a FedEx truck in the Capital Tunnel had a car bomb that exploded and then Frederick Smith blew himself up in front of the Capital Building. Someone called the fire department, and when they came Hi'Li'Re'Yu was rescued from the Pink House. He was sleeping when the plane hit and woke up from the impact. They thought that it was just a coincidince that the plane and truck were from FedEx. The body was mangled. They let the worst happen.

An hour and a half later, the FedEx headquarters, build across the street from the Universal Trade Center, was packed with bombs and blew up. It was so forcefull that it damaged the Two Major Towers and damaged 4 of the others, knocked down 2, and only 1 tower was left undamaged.

Untill this point, Hi'Li'Re'Yu thought it was just a plane accident. When they tried to tell him about the car bomb and the suicide, he told them it was nothing, much less of a FedEx plot with Dean. True, in 1958, a week after the capital tunnel was build, a car went out of control when an oil leak caused it to catch on fire it crashed into the gates of the Pink House. When John Kerry, the kings right hand man since 1981, said that the FedEx headquaters were destroyed, Hi'Li'Re'Yu died of shock. Antartican law says that when the last member of a Dynasty dies, the right hand man starts the new Dynasty. The Kerry dynasty begin. John Kerry, now known as John The First Of The Dynasty Of Kerry had his first act be that all FedEx planes and trucks be stoped. Of the 10,115 planes and trucks stoped, 589 of them had bombs in them. An hour later, the Major Towers collapsed. Kerry proclaimed the only undamaged tower the Freedom Center. All the other standing towers were knocked down by a week.

Kabul Wikispammers[edit]

From Project:using Mediawiki templates. --(WT-en) Evan 12:08, 4 Dec 2005 (EST)

Dear wiki owner!

I apologize for spamming your great wiki. My name is Rahat and I live in Afganistan, Kabul. We have'nt any job here, but I should to buy some food for my family (there are two boys and one girl, and my wife Zuhra). That is the reason of spamming of your honest wiki site. This job gives me and my family some little money to live here, in Afganistan hell. I ask you to leave my links in your site, but if you dont like it - please email me at rahat-jaharri@yahoo.com and I will never spam your honest wiki anymore.

Good luck to you and your family. Rahat. 8)

Salazorian
Flag
Flag of Haiti.svg
Quick Facts
Population 7,063,722 (July 2002 est.)
Religion Kali worshippers

Salazore[edit]

From Salazore

Salazore is a small a small Mediterannian island country.

Talk[edit]

Languages 
Salazorian (official)

Concerning lions[edit]

Deleted from Kenya - Stay safe

  • Do NOT, for any reason, punch a lion.

Three Forks[edit]

Deleted from Three Forks - (or before it was edited very hard).


Welcome to Three Forks Montana (yee haw)! This town is full of mischef and mayhem and can be easily seen and visited in under a week.

Three Forks Montana has a mix of fun stuff to do for the discerning traveler. A bar, gas station, grocery store, parks, and the world famous Lucky Lil's Casino (where I accidently bounced a check) are part of the towns heritage.

From the Three Rivers, where Sacagawea herself said "enough is enough" in her native tongue and headed out to Oregon with Lewis and Clark, one can view the endless expanse of mountains, trees, shrubs, and hills.

If you're into rodeos, then you are in for a treat. Three Forks is home to the Three Forks Rodeo, and Rockin' the Rockies. Rockin' the Rockies is huge. Not the biggest concert in the world no doubt, but a "Woodstock" for Three Forks.

Three Forks is located about 30 miles east of Bozeman Montana and can be reached by a wide variety of vehicles including, but not limited to: Car, Boat, Airplane (it has it's own airport for cryin' out loud), helicopter, foot, 4-wheeler, motorcycle, ski, bobsled, or even hitch-hiking which is almost like a sport in that town.

Three Forks High School is where I graduted highschool from, and let me tell you, wow, what an experience. I'm not going to downplay it in any way shape or form, but Three Forks High is the ULTIMATE party school of Three Forks (barely beating Three Forks Elementary School). I can remember the senior keg that I didn't go to, but the stories. Oh my, the stories. And Prom was a whoozy. I didn't go to that either, but I heard some nasty stories about my friend and his girlfriend.

Moving on, Three Forks is known for Custers Last Rootbeer Stand. Bring a few $50's because that place is pricy!

Three Forks is surounded by water, with three huge pits to the east and rivers to the south and east. 1000 miles to the west is the Pacific Ocean.

Three Forks is planning on bidding for the 2012 Olympic Games, but that is not official, just something I heard. I guess that Custer's Rootbeer Stand hopes to draw some of the Olympic crowd.

Cow Tipping is the towns unofficial sport, and bridge jumping is HUGE there. Nobody has died yet from it that I'm aware of, but seriously, they should wear a helmet before doing it.

I have since moved to San Francisco after graduating high school there in 2000, but I hear that things there are even more crazy after I left than before I did.


And to complete the picture - from the deleted article about Three Forks High School.


Three Forks High School is the high school in Three Forks, a small, yet urban city in Montana.

It is connected to Three Forks Middle School and Three Forks Elementary School.

Population is under 1000.

English is the school's official language. Pig Latin may replace it within the next couple of years.

Three Forks High School has no heat.


The Carrot Rant[edit]

Rescued from Lake Balaton: (WT-en) Jpatokal 03:54, 16 Feb 2006 (EST)

I went on holiday to the lake Balaton a few weeks ago. I went to a market in the centre of Siofok (Bio, ie organic) and liked the look of a bunch of carrots. I bought them and added them to something I cooked. I was amazed at the taste. It reminded me of my childhood. A REAL carrot. This is the experience I had of all the fruit and veg I bought whilst on my trip. Authentic. Different. Not perfect, with bumps and all. So welcome. I was enthralled by it all and would love to buy somewhere there just to be able to eat that food every year, as much as possible. I have the feeling most of Hungary's fruit and veg is technically organic, ie free from sprays and fertilizers. I don't know about the stuff in the supermarkets, go to the peasant markets in the countryside, ie Balaton.

Garlic[edit]

From Transylvania#Stay safe:

It's best not to walk outside during the night, as you might become part of the undead. Lock your doors and have garlic ready. Infact dont sleep at night, be on your guard for the servents of the infernal one.

Japanese Safety[edit]

From Japan#Stay safe:

the past it has not been uncommon for Godzilla and/or Rhodan to attack larger Japanese metropolitan areas (though these incidents have become less frequent over time). While many foreign travellers may find this an exciting and unique experience to behold, it is best to depart as quickly as possible from affected areas.

Yugozcheckoslovakokai[edit]

From Yugozcheckoslovakokai

Yugozcheckoslovakokai is a country south of Germany recently founded in early 2004 by the Chrisbel Gamblazanol, since the innaguration of Gamblazanol as His Majesty King Gamblazanol has decreed several new laws such as: the national holiday named Yazzir Day shall be remembered as the founding of Yugozcheckoslovakokai.

Visiting volcanoes[edit]

From Visiting volcanoes

Ok, my name is expertus volcanus. I'm here to tell you all about volcanos...well lets see, they are hot when they erupt and that red liquidy stuff...don't touch it, it might burn you. But it is excellent for roasting marshmallows, you don't even have to get close for this. And you better not go on the week when god is angry because he will sneeze lava all over you. Although we have seen in the movie "dante's peak" that rubber tires will withstand lava, our skin may not, I think it gets a little hotter than Mcdonald's coffee. Also when you go see a volcano, hold in your farts as they are flammable and may set your buttox on fire, believe me I know. Some safety precautions would be to bring a spray bottle with water in it and if anything erupts just set the bottle to mist and let her rip. This will cool the air around you and shield you from lava.

Shoot to kill[edit]

From Yatsushiro

"Jusco" and "Youme town" have recently opened in Yatsushiro, thus throttling any semblance of local flavour contained in the Yatsushiro shopping experience. These enourmous department stores are good for target practice, however. Remember - a shot to the head will kill. Just don't get bitten.


Germany[edit]

Overview[edit]

Germany is most noted for its involvement in World War I and the sequel, World War II: The Reckoning. Talks of World War III (Seed of Hitler) have been rumored.

Germans have the distinction of making the fastest turn-around from fascist to hippie, unlike the Italians.

Culture[edit]

Germans are most famous for Nena, a popular 1980's rock star who wrote a song about red balloons, peace, Jews, Hitler, and some other shit. They also have a ravenous appetite for wannabe American musicians, most notably David Hasselhoff. When not drinking beer, Germans are generally engaged in evil plans and starting wars. Their entire culture revolves around evil and war. And sausages. And beer.

History[edit]

The Germanic tribes which gave rise to today's Germany are most famous for the sacking of Rome. The Vandals and the Visigoths took turns tag-teaming Rome in what is now known as The Ass-Raping of Rome. The Vandals then went on to punk-rock stardom in the mid 1980's. The Goths just went on to become... hmm.

Spambot humor[edit]

Taken from a spambot that includes a joke along with the spam:

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Get around Iguaçu Falls[edit]

By Subway[edit]

Alternately, you can take the Buenos Aires subway to Iguazu Falls. The closest station to the Falls is Juramento on Line D (Green Line). From the station it is a quick 400 km walk to the Falls.

User:JackT3hSmasher[edit]

JackT3hSmasher has been slain by me, the One Star Bandit, whom he demonizes. The below was written by him upon his registering with this website to lure the RoflCopter and me to our doom. He underestimated our intelligence and overestimated his own. The RoflCopter intended to capture him, but I knew the world would be better without him.


I am JackT3hSmasher, and this website is the perfect place to set up a base for now. I will tell you the story of myself and the One Star Bandit.

Once, in a very little known online role-playing game, the Matrix Online, based on the popular trilogy, there was a person who used an ingame ability to create an NPC called a simulacra, or sim. This sim gained free will somehow, and fled. He was endowed with the powers of Chuck Norris and Leeroy Jenkins for mysterious reasons, and after his father was killed in the game Star Wars: Galaxies, he decided to use this power to fix everything, or so he said. Foolishly, he one-starred many message boards nobody cares about, like the forums of the Matrix Online. He did this as the first stage of his so-called "Great Plan of Fixing." This got him the name "One Star Bandit." Now, he didn't think it was enough, so he did some other stuff regarding the name itself that I won't go into. He is an idiot.

He then created SirFollowalotBot Industries. Don't ask me about his naming methods, what with the naming after rappers and stuff, I don't get it. But anyway, they make "bots that follow." SirFollowalotBots. The Bandit’s plan is to break the servers of online games with the bots who would follow all players within them, and that the servers would be replaced with ones he sabotaged with what he called the “Marshmallow Empire,” for the Grey Marshmallow was his other, lesser used, name. The Marshmallow Empire…I don’t know how he plans to stage all that, but he would probably be able to. He’s very resourceful for a former Non-player character. The Marshmallow Empire under him would somehow stretch into the world outside the internet (don’t ask), and would kill all idiots whom they couldn’t make intelligent and that he would do so by holding the online games hostage, and manipulate the game developing companies into manipulating the governments, thus giving the Bandit power over the world to a degree. But some didn’t like that idea. The RoflCopter himself formed a rebel alliance against the Bandit, and he was supported by Mr. T and Pamela Anderson, who endowed him with their power as the Bandit was endowed with the power of Chuck and Leeroy. This made the Bandit unable to detect his location, and because he used the power to protect his friends, the Bandit himself could not harm his followers. I do not know why this worked the way it did, nor do I care. The Bandit’s followers fought with the RoflCopter’s followers for months. The RoflCopter’s army was nearly wiped out in an attempt to assassinate one of the sources of the Bandit’s power, Leeroy Jenkins. Mr. T lost hope in the RoflCopter, and cut off his power from him. The Bandit’s chance had come. He captured the RoflCopter, and used him to drain the power of Pamela Anderson from him, and what remained of Mr. T’s, and it supplemented his own. The RoflCopter’s son whose name I don’t know became the new leader of the rebels. He made them greater than they had ever been, brought them to a new level of hope for victory. But he was killed a few weeks later. The next day, the RoflCopter escaped, but no one, not even the Bandit, knows how. The Bandit suspected that one of the bots might have done it, but knew that the bot would be dead soon anyway, for they only live a few days with few exceptions.

The Bandit allied himself with a person called Oblivion-Knight. Oblivion-Knight would help him in many things, and he used him as a presence on the forums. Oblivion-Knight put encoded messages on the forums that only some users understood, all others just though it was some 13-year-old's poorly "speeled" rambling. He created two additional accounts, Malware and Codeworks, for good measure. Oblivion-Knight had a form of "autism" as he called it, and he used it as an excuse for his idiotic behavior. It was actually a personality disorder, not autism as he thought. He had two "people" within him. Oblivion-Knight didn't know the other one existed, but I knew about him. Yes, that's right. I was the other person within him. And I worked for the Bandit as well. However, Oblivion-Knight got addicted to pretending to be an idiot on forums, and became one. He betrayed the Bandit for his plan of idiocy. I convinced the Bandit to free me, to separate me from that idiot. He granted my request, and put me into the Internet with him. In doing so he inadvertently touched me with the power of Leeroy Jenkins, and part of it stayed. I don’t know quite what happened, but I realized that he could not harm me. I revealed that Oblivion-Knight did not have a smart half and a dumb half, just a dumb half and an evil half. I betrayed the Bandit, and decided to use him, his story, for my own plan. A plan to become an internet meme after he and the RoflCopter kill each other. I mean, his story would sound so stupid, if I wasn’t a part of it, I would think it was a mediocre anime or something. And I begin the first stages on this wiki. It will work, and his plan won’t. I have a plan to manipulate events into them killing each other, and this being a wiki, the Bandit and the RoflCopter won’t be able to harm me here. It’s the perfect plan, time to get started. I just wanted to let you all know that. I have nothing against this website, but this must be done.

Oh, and I am truly sorry for increasing it from zero to one. Feel free to act as if I wasn't here after I am gone, for it is not really you who is to blame for it, it is me.

Spanish phrasebook[edit]

It's the dog's bollocks 
Es los cojones del perro [2]

Off track betting parlour[edit]

In place of "Off the beaten path", 1 April 2007:

Ladbrokes.jpg

Ladbrokes off track betting parlours, such as this one in Hackney, London, offer those traveling in the U.K., Ireland, or Belgium the chance to keep up with their favorite betting sports, even on their April holidays. Although their patrons are widely considered fools with no sense of statistics or basic household finance, OTBPs remain a popular destination.


Hibaland[edit]

The country located in a sea of books called the C of books. The capital is Heebie Jeebia. The popualtion is 50 people. IT is a very small island.

Language

The main language of Hibaland is Gibberish and Hibalandish. There are classes where you can learn these languages.

Culture

The culture is influenced by Westren ways and traditional ways such as Poptartiness and remmbering to respect their elders.

Food

The staple food of Hibaland is Poptarts which originated in Hibalalala City in the North. Other foods are hot dogs and sub sandwiches. People are living in the high life there.

Flag

The Flag is underdevolopment currently.

Govenrnememnt

There is a mayor of Hibaland but no Head Honcho. So there is many violence there.

People

All the people look excatly the same and their names are hiba for girls and Hobo for boys.

How not to hitchhike in Japan[edit]

From Hitchhiking phrasebook:

  1. Hello
  2. Are you possibly driving to ...?
  3. Can I drive with you?
  4. Can you drop me off at a motorway service area?
  5. Can I get out right here?
  6. Thanks for the ride!
  7. East, West, North, South

Japanese[edit]

  1. Konnichiwa (actual translation: "hello")
  2. Watashi Wa Paizuri no Tatsujin? ("I am the master of tit-fucking?")
  3. Odori onegai shimasu OR Tassukete kudasai ("Please dance with me OR Please help me")
  4. Anatah wa Fushi-yoko nemashi deshitka? (incomprehensible)
  5. Soko kudasai, ketsunoana. ("There please, asshole.")
  6. Arigatou Gozaimasu! ("Thank you!")
  7. East-o, Nishi, Nando, Siago (...)

Funny edit summaries[edit]

User:(WT-en) Huttite
"Why I left My Son a Stub"
User:(WT-en) Evan
When is a Country a Country? - I was country when country wasn't cool
The "cuckoo" phone number spammer
HOW ARE DEALEATE THE HOTEL HE OR SEA IS SON OF BEACH
User:(WT-en) Jpatokal
Better saved than sorry
Officially, 62.121.119.141, occasionally known as User:(WT-en) Sapphire
I wish that was the case ;)
User:(WT-en) Evan
I lucked out and got the "rope" one. (Background info: [3])
2007-10-30T19491 User:(WT-en) Jpatokal
mm, baby-eating undead female vampires (could use some MoS work, but no longer a stub)
User:(WT-en) Morph
C'mon India, press the fricken Shift key
User:(WT-en) Sertmann
Pesty TRANSYLVANIAN hotel owner who keeps adding 666 bytes - coindidence? I think not! :)
User:(WT-en) Jpatokal
yes, you have a small penis

Misnormer of any international policy[edit]

what is the immigration policy of Northern Cyprus to holder of Nigerian passport? This needs to be included in the list of countries that have enjoyed immigration waiver.I presume Nigerian passport has the reputation to be accorded with some modicum of respect as given to other countries. It should be noted that among the best countries in the whols world Nigerian are blessed with talents. In view of this, its misnormer of any international policy to exclude Nigerian from benefiting what nationals of other countries enjoy. (from [4])

Getting out of Compton[edit]

There is only one way to get out of Compton with your life. One must follow these instructions if they wish to exit. + - 1. Move through Compton and go to the back alley of El Pollo Loco. + - 2. There will be a dumpster with a small compartment on the side facing the building. Open it. + - 3. There will be a burlap bag with the required tools for escape. + - They should be: + - A. A straight razor. + - B. A bag of The Colonel's fried chicken. + - C. An unreleased Tupac album. + - D. A live grenade. + - E. A clove of garlic. + - F. A double sided bible/koran. + - G. Metallica's ...And Justice For All album. + - H. A fragment of the Spear of Destiny + - + - 4. Take the bag and move towards the Gateway Shopping Center. + - + - * The citizens of Compton will naturally sense fear and the longing for escape, and will attempt to bite/kill you. If you or a companion is scratched or bitten, the victim will only have an hour before they become an official citizen of Compton. If bitten take the grenade, arm it, and attempt to take as many of them with you. + - + - * The fried chicken and the Tupac album are items of distraction if you must get away from a large mob. + - + - 5. Once at the Gateway Center go into the Staples and knock on the managers door. + - 6. Recite to the door: Acceptus ut Libertas. + - 7. The door will open revealing a large speaker system. + - 8. Place ...And Justice for All into the system and press play. + - 9. Blackened will play. This will temporarily deafen the citizens of Compton, rendering them useless and it will unleash Letro: The Dragon of Compton. + - 10. Using the fragments of the Spear of Destiny and the straight razor, slay Letro. + - 11. Remove the dragons' head and place the clove of garlic in its' mouth. + - 12. Dig a hole in the ground approximately 12ft. deep. + - 13. Place Letros' head into the hole and move 1 foot of dirt upon it. + - 14. Place the double sided Bible/Koran into the hole and cover it up. This should open the fiery exit gates of Compton. + - 15. An earthquake will occur, run through the gates and escape to the nearest town. + - 16. Never return.

Oneonta (Alabama)[edit]

Due to the community's small size it is next to impossible to fart and the whole town not know about it.

How NOT to "Plunge Forward"[edit]

Information about Tigray, Ethiopia

Initial Description:

Tigray is a very great place to see there is a lot of sites to see like the Axum tower. There are a lot of great hotels like the Axum hotel.Sorry there are no Mc donalds but the Axum hotel has some great burgers. - Oct. 8, 2008

Another User Plunges Forward:

Tigray is a very great place to see there is a lot of sites to see like the Axum tower. There are a lot of great hotels like the Axum hotel.Sorry there are no Mc donalds but the Axum hotel has some great burgers. Are there cannibals then? Because you know, just as all Westerners eat McDonald's, all blacks eat human flesh. - Feb. 5, 2009

March of the Penguins[edit]

An anonymous user gave this useful advice in Antarctica's Stay safe section. , In addition large swarms of penguins have been known to appear seemingly at randomly and attack tourists. The rationale behind said attacks is not for monetary gain but for entertainment as penguins are cold blooded sociopaths who inhabit this barren hellscape. The majority of these attacks are fatal. Penguin on human violence is well documented and recent reports suggest that the penguin colonies in Antartica are slowly amasing a formidable military force complete with infantry that numbers in the millions. In addition to this the United Nations has claimed that they also posses nuclear capabilities. Recent intel suggests that an invasion by the penguins is inevitable and that diplomatic attempts have failed. GOD HELP US ALL.

Shanklin[edit]

This version of Shanklin was considered an amusing read.

Negev[edit]

"See an Arab looking guy or woman with a strangely big belly and acting weird? RUN!" [5]

New York City[edit]

This made me chuckle:

- Bicycles are illegal throughout all of New York City. Bicycles can not be posessed by any person anywhere in the city and can not be ridden on either the street, sidewalk, or alley. Same goes for unicycles, tricycles, quadricycles, skateboards, roller skates, rollerblades, and even children's bikes, big wheels, and scooters. Posession of or operation of a bicycle or any of the above listed is punishable by a $750 fine and up to 3 years in Rikers Island prison.

Northern Lights[edit]

From the "Stay safe" section in this revision:

"Do not attempt to talk the the aurora. It can be curt and unfriendly in conversation. You will only get your feelings hurt."

School teachers and their new cars[edit]

I love this and only reluctantly removed it from the Oman country article.

"But all the local village cars are very simple and take grass and goats inside. Omanis carry one of their cattle when they go to Ibri because they consider it a sign of prestige. Coming back from Ibri to Biladishuhoom is often a problem because taxi drivers simply refuse to go there. Most of the Omani teachers drive their own luxury cars for coming to the school. But they come only up to Mokhniyath village and park their vehicle under the trees. It is possible for them to drive all the way to Bilad but they don’t want to spoil their new cars."

Remember to wash your hands[edit]

Oh yes:)

From Cruise ships, this edit.

You will fund the first of many hand sanitation dispensers. Best advice is to use the dispensers as often as possible and always after using the bathroom (toilet). The Norovirus illness is SWIFTLY passed by contact and therefore all surfaces could be the carrier, IT MAY CONFINE YOU TO YOUR CABIN FOR THREE DAYS!. Having sanitised your hands. The buffet awaits you.

Krynica Morska[edit]

The only thing to See in Krynica Morska:

"Wild boars sometimes roam the streets in search of tourists to feed them junk food."

The Gaza Strip, Texas[edit]

I am still laughing at this one. What sort of muppets get work at SEO consultancies? --(WT-en) Burmesedays 08:11, 22 March 2010 (EDT)

Me too. I had the pleasure to revert it and it made my day. Now I know why the US lost the war in Iraq. They got diverted to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baghdad,_Afghanistan and didn't recognise they are in the wrong country ;-) (WT-en) jan 08:16, 30 March 2010 (EDT)

Danville (California)[edit]

Creative and amusing was this one. There have been a few like this, always American, and I wish I had noted the others also. --(WT-en) Burmesedays 07:17, 30 March 2010 (EDT)

Galt[edit]

[6]

Get in[edit]

Are you sure you want to do that?

Get around[edit]

Modes of transportation available in Galt include but are not limited to: cars, motorcycles, bicycles, skateboards, electric wheelchairs, and obnoxiously large trucks, the latter being by far the most common and the most obnoxious.

Another method of transportation, especially useful for traversing from one side of the freeway to the other (and author tested, too!), is achieved by hopping deftly upon a moving boxcar as a train passes by one of the train crossings in town. While the train only comes occasionally, this can be very beneficial to the casual bum, or those people that are all to commonly afflicted by a strong urge to 'get out of town as quickly as possible'. (This urge has been compared to simultaneously contracting a Russian Flesh eating virus and having corrosive acid poured all over ones skin.)

See[edit]

The Flea Market (referred to by locals as the "Flee Market", with no differing inflection in tone.)

The Library: The one place of learning in Galt.

Galt High School: See real world anarchy at it's finest!

Liberty Ranch High School: Ever wanted to visit a prison, only to find it lacking in that good old penitentiary architecture you so greatly adore? Visit Liberty Ranch High School! Also to see: The $2,000,000 Agriculture building!

The Water Tower: Can somebody say arsenic? Only if they aren't choking!

To Do[edit]

It has long been pondered weather there is actually anything whatsoever anyone would possibly enjoy doing in Galt. The temperature of the local nightlife scene in Galt is Absolute Zero. You can join one of the two gangs of Galt, but your choices there are limited. Galt has no movie theater, bowling alley, or any place of recreation at all. Galt High Schools Theatre department is getting the ax after 99 years of bringing quality theater fun to the area. There have been reports of recent success in the entertainment field found by entering the local CVS drugstore and pressing the buttons on all the 20$ singing fish. Rumors proclaim a round can be obtained by aligning several fish and activating them in a rhythmical order. Recreational drug use occurs, but cops are always on the lookout for drugs they can confiscate and put to their own personal use.

Buy[edit]

Go to Autozone and sample their superb selection of car maintenance parts!

Or you can purchase a large number of collectible toy cars with cute little faces on them from the local Chevron station!

Eat[edit]

Fast Food is very popular in Galt. Locals know the secrets to getting extra BBQ sauce in the lines at Carl's Jr and McDonald's.

TRAVELER'S TIP: It is a well kept secret that the local Taco Bell features a coin game after 5:00 PM. (The coin machine was previously open to acsess before five, but this was suspended due to the burrito winning exploits of a lone hungry high schooler. Local legends repute that this now-graduated burrito bandit was capable of procuring anywhere from between 8 to 12 burritos in a single standing.) The operation of this exquisite machine is carried out as follows. A ready-to-win-big-and-get-bigger consumer will insert a coin into the machine and attempt to wiggle it onto a winning platform at the bottom of the machine. Should the consumer insert a quarter into the game and subsequently win, the coin machine allows a free bean burrito with onions, cheese, beans, and optional red sauce. A dime will result in a regular crispy taco containing 1 taco shell, ground meat products, shredded lettuce, and possibly a little cheese if you are lucky. The heavy nickel gambler has the chance to win a small package of Cinnamon Twists, usually containing 10 to 12 cinnamon twists (some sources repute that as many as 16 cinnamon twists have been found in a container).

Drink[edit]

There are no bars or taverns in Galt, owing to the fact that Galt is a culturally dead typically conservative town that doesn't like to have fun. You can buy beverages at the supermarket or a liqueur store.

Sleep[edit]

See "To Do".

Get out[edit]

Proceeding peripatetically on a compass bearing of north by northwest, the traveler shall arrive within 5 imperial minutes at the breath-taking geographical area yclept 'Out of Galt'

Getting out of Galt is usually accompanied by a sigh of relief, followed by a rush of euphoria, and then concluded with a over-whelming feeling of sadness brought on by the realization that nearly all time spent in Galt was a waste.

How to be a tout and how to walk the road down to alcoholism[edit]

From Trinidad (Cuba)#Do ([7])

For those lazty afternoons in Trinidad it's fun to go down and meet the tourists getting off the Viazul. Not to engage them in conversation mind you, god forbid, but to coax them into any given Casa particular. This is best done with a few drinks on you. Just pick any Casa you like the look of and join in the scrummage for tourist dollars. It was disappointing that after all my hard work I was largely ignored by the new arrivals. If you don't feel like engaging at all it can be entertaining to view this situation from afar or at least across the street.

The drinking area at the top of the steps near the centre of town is enjoyable. At a certain point in the night or if you buy enough drinks they will start giving you doubles for the same price as single drinks. If the company you're in is not entertaining enough for you maybe you should avoid this area, there's precious little else going on beyond drinking.

Places to avoid[edit]

From Ulverston#Stay safe [8]:

Make sure to avoid the "Hope and Anchor". Although the name appears inviting, patrons have discovered, beneath the rotting floorboards, a vortex leading to the 7th circle of Hell guarded by the miserly keeper of broken dreams. No good will come of this. (A naked Popeye with his arm flexed and bearing his anchor chortling into your soul)

Giant's Causeway[edit]

Rocks... [9]

Bangkok[edit]

[10]

Get in[edit]

From Poland[edit]

Poland is the biggest country in the world, and connects to Bangkok on Nonthaburi and Thonburi Provinces in Poland. There are lots of bridges from Poland to Thailand on Chao Phraya River. You can use BTS skytrain from Polish side on dark green line (Wongwian Yai/Krung Thonburi stations)

Eat[edit]

Dinner cruises[edit]

Dinner cruises on the Chao Phraya River are a touristy (but fun) way of spotting floodlit temples while chowing down on seafood and watching Thai cultural performances and you can see Poland from the other side of the river. Most operate buffet-style and the quality of the food is so-so, but there's lots of it and it's not too spicy. While the river can give a romantic experience, it can also be dirty and smelly with lots of plants floating around.

Walt Disney World[edit]

[11]

Get in[edit]

By dragon[edit]

Dragons are very friendly and will give you a ride if you pay them with two dictionaries. Be sure to approach the dragon carefully and dont play a trumpet in front of them. They are very offended by the sound of trumpets and farting cats. especially grumpy cats. Dragons are very offended by grumpy cats.

Putney[edit]

Putney is the greatest place in the world. With numerous bridges train stations and hills, it's really got something for everyone. It also has this charming custom that if you say "Putney chutney" (chutney being the only word that rhymes with Putney) to any local resident, they will look at you funny.

Nineveh[edit]

Get in[edit]

By whale[edit]

God calls Jonah to proclaim judgement to Nineveh, but Jonah resists and attempts to flee. He goes to Joppa and boards a ship bound for Tarshish. God calls up a great storm at sea, and the ship's crew cast Jonah overboard in an attempt to appease God. A great sea creature sent by God, swallows Jonah. For three days and three nights Jonah languishes inside the fish's belly. He says a prayer in which he repents for his disobedience and thanks God for His mercy. God speaks to the fish, which vomits out Jonah safely on dry land. After his rescue, Jonah obeys the call to prophesy against Nineveh, and they repent and God forgives them.

[12] -- Alice 06:11, 5 March 2013 (UTC)

fr:Vatican[edit]

Il existe des apprentissages pour être pape, ou bien garde suisse.

(Apprenticeships exist to become Pope, or even Swiss guard).[13]

Portland (Maine)[edit]

Always leave windows shut and doors fully locked while in the car. Carjackings are quite common in both Portland, and Lewiston, maine. Be very cautious of your surroundings at night in clubs and on the streets. A clandestine kidney harvesting operation has been going on in Portland since 2008 now, and the state is no closer to getting this solved. Many a tourist has woken up in the hotel room in a tub full of ice after having their kidneys harvested unbeknown to them. All in all, Portland is the safest city in the state, but stay clear of the deering oaks area.[14]
Get around
Maine has a tough OUI (operating under the influence) law which applies to not only cars but also boats, horses, and even lawn mowers. The legal limit is .08; the standard punishment is 60 days in jail, license suspension for one year, and a $2500 fine for the first offense. After a second offense, the driver license will be revoked permanently, not merely suspended, and the driver will be fed to a pack of satanic lobsters.[15]

Lovers Key[edit]

Lovers Key or the Carl E. Johnson State Recreation Area[16], near Fort Myers Beach in Southwest Florida is a great place to make love, just like the name states.

Calgary[edit]

Eat
Cal's Calzone Zone an Alberta calzone chain that uses local ingredients. Beer is available. The Calgary location does serve Alberta Premium Whisky along with other liquor. Credit cards are not accepted, however the prices are reasonable. It's location is a closely guarded secret, only Bruno of 8th street knows it's location, only after a duel will he tell you.

('Cal's Calzone Zone' is from this game.)

Biddeford#Drink[edit]

  • If you're from Biddeford you drink! It's a birth right.

Template:Shark[edit]

Shark bites can be unpleasant. Try to avoid being bitten by a shark!

-- AndreCarrotflower (talk) 06:58, 9 December 2013 (UTC)


Demons at large in Andorra[edit]

(from Andorra#Do — Dracula is famous in Romania, meanwhile in another mountainous Romance-language speaking country...): "If you are afraid of sleeping in a tent because of the wild animals and night sounds (demons), a good place to stay while hiking and trekking in Andorra is staying at the Himàlaia Hotel in Soldeu [17], which has its own team of hiking guides who go every day with their guests to walk and discover a lot of interesting hiking routes around the country." ϒpsilon (talk) 11:51, 12 December 2013 (UTC)

Offa's Dyke Path in Wales[edit]

Stay safe
Don't refer to the Welsh as "English".

Getting out of Cooch Behar[edit]

like the way you got in.........can go furthur east towards the majical north eastern places of India or can get your bum back home. here:

Bermuda triangle[edit]

Hello, I am bermuda triangle. I was born on the day of march of 200th day of 19th center area of 40th century. My moms name is RVD (Ragavendar Sekhar), he is dad & mom of me and many triangles. Rvd totally has 7 wives and many more unknown to the world. He supposedly had many relationship and orientation usually doesnt matter, He gets commited with anything that crawls on ground. Recently he was seen roaming with this gigantic creature, reportedly seen in many place on lower part of asia, especially in southern India.


(the article was created by Special:Contributions/182.72.201.194 on 1. April 2014, nevertheless we already have a Joke article) ϒpsilon (talk) 10:18, 1 April 2014 (UTC)

Nelson (England)[edit]

Nelson is a dismally rain-soaked town in Lancashire that makes nearby Burnley look exciting... Nelson's a typical gritty, Lancastrian industrial town built on the cotton weaving industry and in terminal decline for more than thirty years... "Britain's most dangerous road", the A682, leads south into Nelson from the Yorkshire Dales to the North... Be careful. Cobbles and potholes (the size of tank traps) are challenging... There's a swimming pool called Pendle Wavelengths in the town centre at Leeds Road, BB9 9TD with a "Black Hole" feature... There are plenty of pubs where you can endeavour to forget you're still in Nelson... Few tourists come to Nelson and even fewer want to sleep in Nelson. This is just as well because there are no hotels actually in Nelson.
Go next
Nelson (New Zealand) which has less rain, more sunshine and its own symphony orchestra. Milk's twice the price, though. Daily flights are available with Singapore Airlines from nearby Manchester Airport via Munich, Singapore and Christchurch and take approximately 33 hours from Nelson (England) to Nelson (New Zealand).

(Nominated for deletion, but apparently kept as this is a real place.)

Ghost towns[edit]

Michigan Central station
  • Detroit, near Windsor (Ontario) - Partial ghost town, city population dropped from over 1.8 million in 1950 to 713,777 in 2010, the year after the Chapter 11 bankruptcy of automakers General Motors and Chrysler.

Spam article: "How To Efficaciously Peel An Egg"[edit]

Easygoing room to strip an egg, bear orchis in pee before shedding.

DIRECTIONS: Arrange them in frigid water, lend to a furuncle. At one time stewing inspiring experiments remove from heating plant and rent rack for 15 to 17 minutes���Range in a icing tub and piazza in fridge. I would countenance tolerate for a twain of? hours, if non the sidereal day in front and cool science they should Peel literal leisurely.

If you treasured this article and also you would like to obtain more info pertaining to cool experiments - Learn More Here, please visit the site.

(I removed a link but otherwise it is as it appeared) ϒpsilon (talk) 18:58, 28 July 2014 (UTC)

United States of America#Respect[edit]

  • Similar to race, gender is also a very touchy subject in the US. In general, gender differences are something you should never mention, it is regarded as gender discrimination by Americans. Also, in more liberal parts of the US, gender identity is a very sensitive issue, and you should never assume one's gender identity based on their biological sex. To avoid any unintentional offence, whenever meeting somebody for the first time, you should always ask them for their gender pronoun (i.e. "Do you go by he or she?") and never assume.[18]