Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Flaccid Peninsula National Park

The Flaccid Peninsula during Winter

Flaccid Peninsula National Park is an occasionally popular region of You. It's one of the few rapidly moving land masses on Earth, and completely changes direction almost daily... it can go from a calm southerly position to more of a north-northwest in a matter of seconds. While many enjoy their visit to the Peninsula, others fear it like the plague and believe setting foot there, especially early in life, leads straight to Hell.

Understand

Landscape

Dense forest cover the northern most region known as the Harry Woodlands. However this region may at times be subject to massive deforestation. Across the bay, on the mainland is a swampy area known as the Testiglades.

Climate

Fairly warm climate, period of warmer and wet weather occur when the peninsula faces north.

Get in

Entry into the capital city, Point Conception (see map), is strictly prohibited. Visitors are however encouraged to explore the surrounding areas outside the city.

Fees/Permits

Special permission is required before visiting. Once permission is granted, you are free to your own devices, except that you may not harm the environment in any way, including lighting a camp fire or excessive stomping.

Get around

There are no speed limits, but avoid excessive speeds in dry conditions.

See

• The Spitzer monument of flagging flaccidity. 9 Emperor VIP road, Mayflower 817. Erected, March 2008.

• Mushroom Mountain. An active volcano; white hot lava streams out at rates of 45 miles per hour. Watch out.

Do

• Treat the landscape with care.
• Approach with caution.
• Avoid stomping or lighting fires

Buy

• Protective gear.
• Safety measures.

Eat

Although something of an acquired taste, peninsula milk is rich in protein and vitamins. Most visitors to the peninsula prefer to taste rather than swallow the local speciality. Some visitors do prefer to use the milk for facial treatments. Recent studies show that regular consumption of Flaccid Peninsula Milk prevents breast cancer.

Drink

Avoid drinking the liquid at all costs.

Sleep

The whiskey crop on the Peninsula has been known to cause a rare form of "Landmass Narcolepsy" and prevents the regions frequent earthquakes.

Backcountry

Lots of undocumented experimentation has gone on in this region. Exploration of this region had previously (and is still) somewhat of a taboo, but recent developments show that most if not all individuals enjoy exploring this area.

Stay safe

purchase a close fitting raincoat when possible. Also a closed toed pair of shoes on the beach should be used as protection from the Native Crab population.

Go next

• Dildo — an option when Flaccid doesn't quite hit the spot
• Dingle Peninsula — the Irish counterpart to Flaccid
• Fucking — a pleasant Austrian rural village for the hard-up traveller

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