User:Hobbitschuster/nowhere-airport

Understand

The nowhere airport (misleadingly named as Metropolis-Nowhere airport in advertisement by Ryanair, nofrillsAir and FlyNoservice) is located 100 km east of Metropolis in the (generic region) about 2 kilometers west of the hamlet of nowhere (pop. 101 humans and 5000 heads of cattle)

Get in

By rail

The rail connection to this airport was destroyed in 1857 by Titans from Tennessee in their fight against the People's Front for the Liberation of Liberty and consequently not rebuilt, because the low ridership didn't seem to justify the cost. Plans to rebuild the rail connection have as of 2015 not yet come to fruition. The next rail station is in somewhere, five kilometers as the crow flies to the east.

By Bus

• Examplebus runs twice daily between Metropolis main station and the airport (2 hours, tickets starting at 20$)
• Expensivecoach runs every hour in cozy buses with ample legroom tickets for the 2 hour journey from Metropolis start at 100$ one way
• Local transportation runs from somewhere main station to the airport (30 minutes) tickets cost 5,50$
• Lightningbus goes from Elsewhere (three hours, tickets from 30$) Metropolis (via Chatham Junction, two and a half hours, tickets from 15$) and Frederickston (five hours, tickets from 44,99$) for schedules see their website

By car

From Metropolis (west) take the expressway 15 until Chatham Junction and change to the regional road from there follow the signs until you reach an unpaved dirt road (4WD recommended) to the parking lot.

From the east take the expressway 29 until Chespersville and from there it is a smooth 10 km ride on the newly paved local road. Because of crossing elks the speed limit is 50 km/h and strictly enforced.

By taxi

A taxi from Metropolis costs about 30000$ and you might have to bribe the driver as the superstitious locals fear the monster that might live in the Mountains beyond Chatham Junction

Parking

Almost all inhabitants of nowhere offer ample parking at reasonable prices (from 5$ per hour, 50$ per day, 400$ per week). A guarded lot (usually 10% more expensive) or official airport parking (from 20$ per hour) is only worth the cost if you drive an expensive car

Flights

• Ryanair flies to Hahn, Weeze and London Stansted Airport
• nofrillsAir flies to Sidney, Kuala Lumpur and Atlanta. They also offer seasonal flights to Johannesburg (November to March) and to Rome, Gardermoen, Madrid, Boston, Los Angeles and Hahn (April-July)
• Flynoservice flies to Reykyavik, Rio de Janeiro, Paris, Rome, Moscow and Tokyo

Car rental

All major rental brands, including examplerental offer cars, but at a premium above the normal rate due to the lower competition.

• Examplerental tel:0000000 rates: from 12412423$ are right at the terminal
• Cheaprental tel:213215235 rates: from 45$ per day short walk from the terminal
• Rentatruck: tel:2352365234 rates: 100$ for a four wheel drive per day 200$ for a 15 ton truck
• Dirtybikerental: tel:23526457 rates: from 37$ per day for a dirtbike from 58.99$ per day for a VW Golf

Sleep

Hotels

There are a number of hotels (I am too lazy to write a list)

Sleeping at the terminal

A large number of budget flights depart from Nowhere as early as 6AM (when the lowest fares are available). However, this presents travellers with a problem, as the airport's location is a long way outside Metropolis, and transport to the airport is sporadic before 5:30AM. Due to the high price of accommodation in the city and near the airport, and the fact that many budget airlines don't pay for accommodation in the event of cancellation, an increasing number of travellers choose to spend the night in the airport prior to their flight. A crowd of around 100 travellers (up to 400 in summer) camp in the main departure/arrivals hall every night, effectively turning it into a giant dormitory. Tips for sleeping at Nowhere Airport:

• Arrive early, preferably around 10PM, and stake your territory immediately. Benches without armrests are in limited supply and fill up quickly. If you arrive later, take a floor mat and sleeping bag. Sleeping on the floor is tolerated by the staff, but avoid pitching your bed in front of shops and counters.

• A sleeping bag is generally recommended as the automatic doors constantly open and close as passengers arrive, and it can get chilly in winter. Safety is not a problem. The airport is miles away from any settlement and security guards overlook the open-plan building 24/7. Ear plugs and eye covers are a must, as the cleaning staff are noisy and shop assistants start arriving at 4AM to open shutters. At least one cafe is open all night, offering snacks and hot drinks. Boots the chemist is also open 24/7 Toilets remain open and are normally in good condition. There is a drinking fountain to the left of the liquor store "drunkmansfriend" and the security entrance "Door 1", where you can fill water bottles for the night.

Eat

• There is a McDonalds near the check in section
• BlandFoods offers bland overcooked Pasta at 20$ per serving. The serving size is only enough as a small bite and not suitable if you are hungry
• LaCuisine offers international fare starting at 100$ a pop
• Various Kiosks around the airport offer Smoothies (starting at 4€ per 100ml) and Sandwiches (Starting at 10$)

Nearby

There isn't a thing of note within a 10 km radius of this airport. The next notable town is Chatham Junction