Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Atlantis
Atlantis is in the Atlantic Ocean. Literally.
Regions
Cities
- Bensalem - the largest city, founded by Sir Francis Bacon. The sign says the city is where "generosity and enlightenment, dignity and splendour, piety and public spirit" are the norms of the local residents. It's a load of crock. Salomon's House is worth a visit, though.
Other destinations
Understand
Atlantis is a unique destination on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. It is governed by President Poseidon.
History
Atlantis allegedly sunk to the bottom of the ocean when the classified Eureka!-project led by Archimedes went horribly wrong. It is also suspected rumored that the New World Order had something to do with that event. Among the first visitors was the Greek philosopher Plato.
Talk
The official language is Ancient Greek, but major world languages are spoken in establishments aimed at tourists.
Get in
 |
Visa restrictions:
Hell blocks passports containing stamps or visas from Atlantis. Relations between Hades (Dictator of Hell) and President Poseidon have been strained after the lightning bolt theft incident. If you plan to travel to Hell after visiting Atlantis, you must get a second passport. |
To get in to Atlantis you will need a valid visa and diving equipment. The most difficult part is knowing where to go, as Atlantis is not marked on regular maps.
By submarine
Some submarines are known to transport visitors to and from Atlantis. Prices are, however in the same class with tickets to space.
By plane
Atlantis International Airport is connected by regular flights from Bermuda operated by Triangle Airlines and Oceanic Airlines. The return ticket will, however be virtually impossible to get. There are also non-stop flights from Mount Olympus.
By train
Atlantis Train Station is served by 5000mph maglev trains coming from New York and London via the Transatlantic Tunnel. From London's Kings Cross Station, take the train from Platform 9 ¾. From New York Grand Central Station, trains leave from the "secret" sub-basement known as M42.
By diving
The backpacker's alternative - cheap and reliable. If you take your own sail boat it'll be very cheap.
By teleport
Cheap as free! Just close your eyes and wish really hard. Next thing you know you are there!
By ruby slippers
Close your eyes, click your heels. Then just keep saying "There is no place like home, there's no place like home..."
Get around
By subway
Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was renowned for its cutting-edge mass transit system, but centuries of neglect, mismanagement, and extensive use have taken their toll. Vehicles are noisy and break down on a regular basis, the interiors are crowded, and the drivers can be very rude. On top of that, with recent budget cuts the fares keep rising. But the system is extensive and will eventually get you where you need to go.
By car
Traffic is surprisingly light, given that road blockages can be cleared by just swimming up and over. Seahorse carriages are available, but are expensive and more of a tourist attraction than a legitimate way to get around.
See
- Ancient Greek architecture - from palaces to amphitheaters, well preserved.
- Panposeidium - the presidential palace. President Poseidon greets the residents from the balcony every Thursday at noon. On Atlantis's independence day the beautiful national anthem is played by the original British compositors in the front of Panposeidium. You should definitely not miss this if you happen to be in town then.
- Marine species - Atlantis is a real paradise for Marine biologists.
- Heureka museum. A museum dedicated to Archimedes who managed to sink Atlantis to the bottom of the ocean.
Itineraries
Do
- Under the Sea Boogie - The Annual Dance held in November, providing folks with a good way to get down!
- Mermaid Hunting - Well, that's pretty much self-explanatory...
- Thermal Tubs - Atlantis is known for some real good natural spa therapy. Ask any local where the 24/7 hot tubs. Be sure not to jump in the one that's boiling.
Buy
- Real estate can be acquired cheaply in Atlantis, as the subprime housing collapse has left many mortgages underwater.
Eat
The local delicacies include fish in various forms. Mc Donald's also recently opened a restaurant at Plato Boulevard 1. There are also, naturally, a number of Subway franchises in Atlantis.
- Python's Inn (follow the Vikings). 24/7. Local cuisine, e.g. fish dishes. Egg and fish, bacon and fish, egg, bacon, sausage and fish etc. cheap.
Drink
Food production depends heavily on fishing and so does the beverage production. Try the national drink: cod liver oil!
Don't Drink
Excessive consumption of sea water will lead to death by drowning.
Sleep
Budget
- HÔTEL DU GRAND TOUT, TITANIC ROAD 16, ATLANTIS, 00001, ☏ +00 00000 0000. FANTASTIK LOCATION AND EXELLENT RESTAURANT AND EVERYTHING ELSE AND CLOSE TO EVERYTIN YOU WILL BE AMAZED ATT OUR LOV PRICES AND GREAT SERVIZE !!!!1!"!! CHEAP!!!.
Mid-range
- Neptune Hotels. A chain of resorts around Atlantis.
Splurge
- Poseidon Undersea Resort, 1 Atlantic Ave, Atlantis, 000001. A five star hotel in the city center with all the amenities and more.
Stay safe
Crime is non-existent, but it is always good to have your wits about you. Also, don't forget that you are under water.
Connect
- Tap into the Atlantis Watergate Hotel for quick (but buggy) network access. Waterlogged fax and e-mail is a click away.
Get out
- Before you run out of air.
- Take a guided tour to the nearby Bikini Bottom