Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Da'nunder

Da'nunder is an M-class colony planet in the Crux constellation, rich in mineral wealth and with regional pockets of fertile volcanic soils.

Regions:

Nova Australis – A region which encompasses a portion of the Southern temperate zone.
North belt – A desert region to the north of the planetary Equator, mostly unexplored.
Hibern Islands – An Island Archipelago chain, that runs from the temperate toward the southern Polar region.
Glaciborreas, Glacaustrils – The Northern and Southern Polar landmasses.

Cities:

No'mera (aka New Woomera) – Most vistors' first glimpse of Da'nunder is the No'mera Qurantine Zone.
Sydbourne – The most populous city.
Androostun – Not a large city, but the de-facto regional capital of the Hibern Islands.
Canterbury – The Hibern Islands Southern City.

As well as the cites, there are a numerous smaller 'outposts' supporting resource extraction, energy generation and agricultural production.

Understand

Da'nunder is the name given to the planet by Terran survey teams and settlers. The indigenous culture have various names, which translate as 'world in the sky', 'Sentient Pebble' or 'Sleeper's Dreamform'.

History

The earliest discovered indigenous culture on 'Da'nunder' is thought to have been a Bronze-age level society, known as the "Singers". Oralised 'Singer' tradition however, posits, an earlier mythical age of the 'Sleeper's Children', who shaped reality and Da'nunder by thought alone.

By the advent of Terran colonisation in the mid-third millennium, the 'Singer' culture had been replaced by a proto-industrial society, which was thriving when the first Terran survey ships arrived.

Upon the discovery of Da'nunder's mineral wealth on the initial surveys, semi-chaotic colonization began. Over the course of three centuries, it nearly ousted the indigenous society, with an imported Terran culture. The "Colony Control Act" was passed by the Terran Authorities, to regulate colonization, limit permanent residence, and protect the remaining indigenous cultures. The "Tricentum" is an important era historically and remains widely discussed across the planet, even if some aspects of it remain a sensitive issue. Roughly during the midpoint of the Tricentum, the crash of the 'Astrid' in the North Belt, and the resultant scandal of the casualty figures due to inadequate medical provision, led to the formation of the Outer Reaches Medical Evaluation and Support Service (ORMESS).

Climate

Da'nunder has a range of climatic zones, from Polar to tropical. The Nova Australis region encompasses a warm temperate to sub-tropical region, with a vast desert plateau in its interior. The Hibern Islands range from a cool-temperate to Boreal.

Politics

The government is representative. Whilst there is a Terran appointed "Planetary Commissioner" whose role is largely ceremonial. Real political power generally lies with the Planetary Assembly elected every 5 years. The Assembly, also elects a highly influential 'Speaker for the Unvoiced' whose role is to ensure all views (including oppositional ones) are considered in debates.

Economy

The Da'nunder economy is based predominantly on mineral wealth, textiles, and agricultural production. The unit of currency is the 'Da'nunder Dollar' (aka Dunder) (symbol DUN). Past economic crisis have led to the slang expression the 'Da'nunder's dunnied under'.

Langauge

Da'nunder has linguisitic diversity, You will hear any number or languages, with some creoles as well.

Terran Standard English is widely understood, although the local Da'nunder dialect, is heavily derived from the broad Australian ('Strine). You may also hear various other dialects, including Grundy, Crawfords, Teledu, Grampian, Central and Thames-freemantle.

Da'nunder 'Strine has a number of unusual expressions, and neologistic contractions can occur in normal conversation.

Some local words and phrases you might hear:-

biocyce – bio-waste-recycling unit (toilet),
(to be) dunnied – Broken, to the frustration and detriment of a user or operator, Most typically applied to broken biocyce units! The euphemisms 'dunnied over' or 'dunnied under' are also heard. (Also used for a Thames dialect 'Gone to s**t!')
(to) main-strike – Be particularly lucky, or have sudden wealth.
(to) eject to vacuum – Leave or discontinue an unsustainable position, argument or proposal.
(to) hop – To travel over a 'short' distance, hence Hopper for a short range flying craft.
'flying doc' – ORMESS doctor, most likely to be heard in outposts. You may also hear the term 'Matthews'

"Mate, I'd avoid Brown's Hotel till Friday, after the rats left, the biocyces dunnied over so bad, he had to eject to vacuum any notion of having em back till then." ( In standard Terran English: The pub known as Brown's will be closed until Friday, as it will be without toilet facilities until then.)

"Sorry, mate, I'll have to carry over on the shout, I was caught for a duck this avro" (In Standard Terran English: I apologise, but as the bank (DUCC) was closed this afternoon, I can't join you for a round in the pub, Maybe next time.)

"G'Day, Jay's absent, she main-striked with her Shelia, so they hopped over to Cantab, for a slap-up!" (In standard Terran English: Jay is not present as she and her partners venture went well, so they went to Canterbury to celebrate.)

"Cool it Mate!, Your crawlers bust itself, and Matthews can't teleport." (In standard Terran English: Calm down! The vehicle you were due to travel in crashed, and a doctor's been called out to deal with the consequences.)

Culture

Da'nunder colonists can have a colorful sense of humor, and can sometimes make humor of what others might consider more serious misfortne or circumstances.

Whilst there is healthy respect for Colony officials, institutions and regulations, there is also conversely a healthy distrust of rules for rule sake, and it's not unknown for Da'nunders colonists to ask 'What the bastards playing now?' on some contentious topics. ORMESS is not included in this, and mocking them is likely to generate strongly negative reactions.

Get in

Terran arrivals from Earth will typically arrive at the No'mera Quarantine Zone, either by charter starship, or scheduled service. It is also possible to reach Da'nunder by working passage on a freighter, but a more robust interview at Immigration will result.

Terran Arrivals will need :

a valid digital 'pass-warp' issued by the Terran authorities with at least 2 Terran years validity beyond the expected arrival date.
A recently issued and validated, 'Medinocc' certificate, confirming both medical status, and vaccination against transmittable diseases.
Sufficient funds for 6 months at minimum, held with either a Terran registered INTERPLAN exchange, or the Da'nunder Credit Commercial (DUCC) exchange.

Clearing inward immigration and customs is a 2 stage process (and typically takes 2-3 days):-

The first stage allows an arrival into the No'mera Qurantine zone only. The 1st stage typically consists of a short interview, confirmation of funds, and a short 10-15 min medical evaluation. An appropriate chaperone is permitted during any medical examinations. You will be asked to open any hand (carry-thru) luggage and to declare if you are bringing in certain textiles, food, and biological material which includes some bio-plastics, in both your hand (carry-thru) and additional (cargo) baggage.

Be comprehensive in any declaration as the No'mera Quarantine monitors have repeatedly indicated, they would rather have the bureaucratic task of 'clearing' a safe item declared on paper in abundance of caution, than having to trace 'item zero' that wasn't during a "Code 19" emergency incident. The Penalties for non-declaration can be severe, and at minimum you will be denied entry beyond the Quarantine zone for an indeterminate period, with the distinct possibility you will be asked to leave Da'nunder on the next available outward flight. Prohibited items can be confiscated and destroyed, without compensation.

Once you have passed through the first stage you will be permitted to enter the Quarantine Zone ('port-side') entry, Generally you'll find the typical space-port facilities, including ORMESS clinic, INTERPLAN terminals, etherphones and short-stay-hotels. You'll also notice a number of service cargo operators warehouses and duetroserves within the Quarantine Zone itself.

The 2nd stage will take place one the No'mera Qurantine monitors, have checked up on you and your (cargo) luggage. You will be given a second slightly more detailed medical, your 'pass-warp' will be 'cleared' for ('planet-side') entry. Your personal tablet will have a tracing app installed (make sure it is) and you will be granted permission to leave the Quarantine zone, which you should do so as soon as possible.

The tracing app is so that the Qurantine monitors can contact you if issues arise once you are planet side, You should also use it to contact them if you develop unexpected symptoms upto 3 weeks into a stay. Don't worry the tracing app will be de-installed during departure.

If you are visiting Da'nunder for reasons connected with your employment or commerce, and are likely to be interacting with entities inside the Quarantine Zone more often than at Arrival or Departure during your visit, then you should clearly inform the Dan'under authorities of this well before your visit. You will also need to obtain a higher level 'Medinocc', and should expect a more probing medical examination (Some examinations/interviews have been 45mins in length.) on arrival. If approved you will also be granted a 'broad-side' status in your 'pass-warp'.

Get around

No'ommera and Sydbourne are linked by XPT Lartic, as is the colonies adminstration hub at Berracan.

Da'nunder's urban centers (notably Sydbourne) have Auseboa and Ausber taxi pods. These specially grown transportation vessels can swallow a surprising amount of luggage, whilst they safely shield passengers from rapid speed changes and sharp turns within their interior. Because of specialist stabling requirements, you will not find them outside urban centres.

Outside the urban areas, you will need either a "hopper" (small flying craft) or land based transport (crawler). Both Hoppers and crawlers can be rented from locations in both Sydbourne and No'mera, and less reliably in many large outposts. Be sure you have a fully charged one as running out some distance from a charging station ('Chargeit'),' is embarrassing. Charge points are available in most outposts, but expect to pay a modest fee.

Most hoppers have 'utility' (Ute) space, for carrying light cargo which should be sufficient for most visitors. If you do have heavier items, a crawler is recommended.

Some outposts (typically concerned with resource extraction) are linked to central hubs, via Lartic systems which run for many miles,

See

Sleepers Rock.

Crystorm Mining – You think you've seen mining, and then you encounter Crystorm's mining operations, which are on a truly epic scale! Both the 'Pit' and Drift' run tours. As both are active resource extraction sites, tours have to be pre-booked. Some vistors may experience some dis-orientation as the tour hopper decsends into the 'Pit' given its size.

ORMESS Vistor Centere, No'mera. Once of the prized institutions on Da'nunder, ORMESS has a long and varied history, in both medicine and rescue operations. The vistors' centre, has an extensive museum, containing a number of historically significant artefacts. The reconstruction of an early 'Nightingale' response room is instructive, as is the audio presentation which dramatizes a non-typical call. Also at the vistors' centre is a Static hanger, where a number of older decommissioned craft enjoy their well-earned retirement.

'Matthews Station' – Although entirely fictional "Morgan Matthews" remains the best known ORMESS doctor, and his adventures throughout history have seen countless adaptations, from the original roughly produced strip cartoons, through, 'Flashy animations' to the most recent big budget movie. Matthews Stations on the outskirts of Sydbourne is a charming recreation of his retro styled residence, including the Queenslander stilts and stump caps, with lots of researched detail, including the books in his nominal study. An audio tour is available which places some of the fiction in context.

Ash Bluff 'Dawnside' Facility (Joint Facility Violet Five). ID (such as 'pass warp') required. "Dawnside" as it's known, is operated by the Joint Planetary Liason (JPL) and the Colonial Control Administration (CCA) , and is a large hyper-luminal communication array, and planetary radar installation. As well as the extensive museum, there are viewing galleries which overlook the three operations rooms, each with a short audio presentation. The three operations rooms are "Shepard" which is the planetary air traffic control. "Sunrise" which handles traffic emerging from warp in the local system, and 'Dreamtime' which relays communications from remoter colony words like 'Cairnpit'. An organized coach tour of the site is possible, but photo-capture of the installation is not permitted whilst on the tour.

Wycliffe Drywell, This site is sacred to the indigenous culture as it represents the first time a colonist was granted 'deep-water'. The well was dug by a Bruce Wcyliffe during the Tricentum, and was initially dry for many many years. This was until Bruce having consulted the local indigenous culture, and being told the well was unlikely to every give water, collapsed into a delirum. During his delirium, Bruce was seemingly approached by a shaman like intelligence, ascending from the depths with a thunderous sound like a roaring bass note held for an extended period,. The shaman explained that if Bruce dug 2 meters more the well would become a fountain, but that the fountain's bounty would only last if Bruce shared the water fairly with the indigenous culture and with due respect, attempted to share their cultural heritage with other colonists. Bruce and his descendents have never attempted to test this warning, with the well continuing to flow, to the present. Bruce Wycliffe later went on to develop the cultural museum and exchange space located a few miles from the well itself, which is an informative introduction to the complex indigenous culture in the surrounding region.

In the skies are two moons, of these 'Montebello Runit' (aka 'Ruinedit') can only be viewed on a flypast, the still nominally habitable portions of the moon contain a 'secure penal detention facility' for Da'nunder's most dangerous law-breakers, Other portions of the moon remain severely contaminated following a controversial 'test-drive-dump' programme prior to the widespread adoption of 'clean-fusion' technology (The most striking evidence is the fractured dome of the main disposal site.). There are also unverified accounts, alleging more sinister clandestine projects.

Do

Want to see some truly great cricket? Then head for Telstra Park (formerly Bligh Memorial) stadia in Sydbourne. There are regular Test level matches played here, with a very high standard of play most days.

The Lords Oval is another cricketing venue, even if you find the mythology that cricket was bestowed upon the universe by a benevolent power so we'd have something to do on Sunday afternoons a bit far-fetched.

'Bowl' is a sport not entirely unique to Da'nunder, and is a football variant using an egg-shaped ball, that combines elements from various other non 'Association' footballs. According to some people having seen street versions, 'Bowl' also has elements of pre-code Terran footballs lost to antiquity! The official 'Rules' version of 'Bowl' has teams of 15 and is played on the Ellipse. It's a full contact sport and players train hard because of this. There exist various unofficial and 'No Rules' versions played informally, the more violently physical of which have earned the nickname 'Bro-wl', or 'Disem-bowl' by critics.

Da'nunder you can watch and be watched by wildlife

Watch (or hear) the wildlife. Local species (most of which are hexa or octopedal) include:

'Puff-jumpers', a marsupial sheep like creature valued for it's wool,
'Dropuns', a species that's been known to drop out of local vegetation on their prey.
'Yowips', A winged primate that's rarely seen, but heard in the forests, by its distinctive calls. Whilst not conclusively be shown to be marsupial, reported sightings at a distance have indicated the female carries a pair of young on her back in a pouch.
'Hooponagra', Once, believed semi mythical, owing to it's exceptional shy nature, this reptilian can allegedly hear a twig snap several meters away, and is an excellent mimic able to reproduce the calls of many other creatures with ease. Expeditions have attempted to coax it into view with 'Soychiko' and 'outback' mustard, although others have claimed it appeared to swallow entire chocolate rabbits or Creme Eggs whole.
Octanids. Some species of these eight-limbed eusocial creatures, have despite their tiny size, have built impressive tower like mounds, Do not visit these if you have insect or spider phobias! as the sudden sight of ground-swarming Octanids can be quite startling.

You can also if visiting the North Belt try and figure out if the 'Aridongo' is real. Ocassional find of 'tenatacle' like remains, have lead to claims of a gigantic burrowing snake in the remoter deserts. No full specimen has ever been recovered. Oral folklore of a lone humanoid figure riding majestically across the dunes, atop an Aridongo, have been dismissed as a side effect of the outback mustard served in the regions outposts.

Check out a performance at the 'Sydbourne Opera', Whilst some productions of Terran originated operas generate mixed reactions, the quality of Da'nunder orignated operas (which are more like Musical Theatre than lengthy Terran Operas) match anything produced elsewhere. Even if they contain comedic elements, don't expect happy endings unless a work is specifically billed as comedy. 'Green Hills of Earth' can invoke strong emotions, as can 'Nightfall' and 'Ankhnaten' Other Sydbourne originated productions include 'Eight Colored Rainbow', 'Return of the Sunbird' ,'Darkzone', 'The Liberator', 'Distant View', 'Andra', 'Legacy of Sirrus', 'Age of the Five','Time's Hunger' and the "Wayfarer" cycle.

Somewhere between comic-opera and music-hall is the Priscillan revue. There is a permanent troupe in Sydbourne, and the "Emu's Nest" has regular performers, with troupe lead "Melba Pavlova", welcoming visitors to each performance. A typical show consists of a various sketches (often with elements of satire) by costumed performers, interspersed with dance numbers, and variety acts, including a particularly inquisitive puppet bird! Amateur Priscillan revues are mounted annually in many outposts (often as a fundraiser for ORMESS support activities), and whilst inevitably coarser then the permanent troupes efforts, are still good enjoyment for an evening.

Luna Park is Sydbourne's Amusment area, The rides are not necessarily innovative, but for the retro ashthetic that raise in visitors, 'Chilton Starboat' is a nice example of a retro-style launched dark coaster, simulating a mythologised space trip through a wormhole, as seen through a 20th century understanding. There's also the 'Mitch's Hopaserve' a coaster more akin to a wild-mouse dark ride as it bounces around it's workshop themed track. Avoid the 'Sinkhole' drop ride, it's too intense for most people.

Eat

There are some Da'nunder specialties:

'Vegimite' – This spread derived from a yeast extract, has near legendary status, as it was a standard ration item of the early survey ships, and is rumored to keep indefinitely, or at least continue to taste the same.
'Fibr'nax' – A form of moderately long lasting hard-tack cracker, which although nominally strong has a tendency to become brittle and break up into strands and flakes, giving a gritty texture when consumed. Whilst the crackers clearly contain no inedible ingredients, the gritty texture of the crackers has given rise to their name, as according to some you might as well be eating construction board.
'Soychiko'- A Soybean/cereal based rough sausage-like processed food. There are a few different formulations, varying from almost tasteless, to 'gravity deterrent'
'Brancourt (pie)' – Caramelised condensed milk, in a pastry tart/flan case. They can vary in size from individual tarts up to a full blown Brancourt Supreme which when sliced can serve many guests.
'Crocodile Shrimp' – After many years of trying to tell visitors that this never actually existed, an enterprising Sydborne restuarantier 'defictionalized' this, creating a combination of seafood, salad leaves and 'outback' sauce. The same venue also claims to be able to provide a 'crocodile sandwich' by placing the dishes ingredients in a roll. Don't ask how fast it can be prepared though!

Drink

Ethylal a local beer brand is universally available in licensed premises, apart from the environs of No'mera, and socially there is a general presumption that you will be partaking at some point if with a group of friends.

You can only consume alcohol in 'licensed premises' , the minimum age is 18, and you may be asked for ID (such as a Terran 'pass wrap', or your 'Hopastat' permit) before being allowed to purchase. There are no licensed premises in No'mera, The Quarantine Zone and city outside are 'dry'.

If in a group, and you are purchased a drink, you'll have joined a "shout", and later you will be expected to reciprocate as failing to do can provoke strong reactions especially during the later portions of particularly vigorous chain of 'shouts' in an evening. That said you will still get positive reactions if you make your hosts politely aware if you can't drink alcohol for practical reasons, and reciprocate anyway. Keeping track of shouts carried over between different locations, venues, and sessions can be tricky, and you would be advised to download a 'shoutr' app to your tablet to keep track of this.

Never ask for 'Golden Amber' or 'Triplex brands'. The quality of the former is not highly regarded, and you'll get a derisory 'Full Cask, Bruce?' from Da'nunder regulars. Triplex on Da'nunder refers to a brand of contraceptive device!

There are various non-alcoholic drinks available, 'Parseco' is widely consumed, although to most Terran visitors its Ginger and Aniseed flavour can be a bit strong. Although still produced Raspberry Parseco is an acquired taste, and if it's not to yours, there are various alternate uses for it.

'Bru' (whose flavour is difficult to quantify fully) still has near legendary status in the Hibern Islands.

Stay Safe and Healthy

Medical assistance is widely available in the Nova Australis region.

ORMESS (Outer Reach Medical Evaluation & Support Service), provide planet-wide EMS. ORMESS personell are highly trained and have occasionally undertaken successful medical response and evacuation operations that defied the impossible. ORMESS also run port-side medical clincs at the No'mmera Qurantine Zone.

For emergency medical calls, 000 is the number to dial on etherphone devices in No'mera, Sydbourne and other Urban areas, Beyond the urban centres, a "Treblow" call on Hopper and crawler radios, will allow you to talk directly with ORMESS clinc personell, who will be able to assess what further support you need based on answers you provide to a standardized checklist. Treblow calls are also rapidly geo-located, but providing an exact co-oordinate ('posifix') greatly aids response times.

Most large wildlife on Da'nunder is unlikely to cause injury unless provoked or disturbed unexpectedly, Mild head injuries from 'Dropuns' have also occurred, but have seldom been fatal.

There are a few venomous Octanid species, 'Funnel-red' venom is the most serious, but ALL medical centres and ORMESS crews will have the appropriate anti-venom as a standard item. You can also obtain 'Vendef' or 'Neutraven' kits at pharmacies, before you venture into some regions, although you will need to sign a register when doing so. You can spot a 'Funnel-Red' bite , by a distinct triangular pattern of red puncture wounds and surrounding bruised tissue, you may also note a milky metalic residue around the bite.

Never get involved in unregulated and unadvertised 'Bowl' games you may informally hear about in outposts. It is not without notoriety that the more violently physical of these games have earned the slang terms Bro-wl, Disem-Bowl or No Rules. Not only is such sport highly physcially demanding, the general lack of anything more than a bystander (whose partiality is doubtful) to referee a game means any nominal rules can be very arbitrary. Loosing your teeth and wallet contents the same evening is a real possibility as such games also attract illegal gambling, like a "dunnied biocyce swarms blowies".

Can't you hear, can't you hear that thunder? You'd better run, you'd better take cover.

Cope

The unit of currency is the 'Da'nunder Dollar' (aka Dunder) (symbol DUN). Past economic crisis have led to the slang expersion the 'Dunder's dunnied under'.

Electrical supply is 230V AC 50 hz. Standard (type I) earthed power connectors are used.

For Industrial Equipment, an ANZAP connector is used (8 pins in a cross configuration and a central locater)

Hopper's and Crawlers use a Type400 (AC 400Hz) rated Heliox transfer conduit, for 'fuel' and charge transfer. Check before you hook up as you'll need to ensure there aren't any pressure points due to pipe defects.

Religion does not play a big role in Da'nunder, but there are facilities for major Christian denominations in both No'mera and Sydbourne, In oputposts service tend to be of an inter-denominational character.

Despite the distance involved, Radio broadcasting is still a thing on Dan'under. Planet wide coverage is provided by SBS.

Go Next

Cocos – Cocos is the next planet towards the local star. It's a tropical world, whose landmasses are mostly covered in dense jungle. Where these meet diverse oceans, there are fringes of settlement. The local land inhabitants are Polynesian in appearance (although slightly taller), but they exist in symbosis with the highly advanced Cetaceadie who as well as being highly intelligent, have their own oral song traditions. The world is also under quarantine rules due to it's rich bio-diversity.

Cairnpit – If you were thinking parts of Dan'under were remote, than Cairnpit will push you over the edge. A small rocky planet around a wandering dwarf star, Cairnpit was found to be habitable on surveys, but devoid of all higher life-forms. Despite this, an attempt was made to settle the planet by a group of rogue colonists, that were not prepared to fully accept the Colony Control Act. A harsh period of at least a centuries isolation followed their initial landing. Even today the population of Cairnpit is perilously low, with settlement not really extending beyond the landing site of their vessel.

G'day mate! You've reached the Da'nunder side of the article, in other words the end. Nothing to see here. This travel topic about Da'nunder is just a joke and will be visible only on April Fools Day, but we have a lot of other interesting articles about Space, Australia and other things that may interest you.