Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Time travel/British phrasebook

British English has shifted over the centuries, but this phrasebook with slight alteration will be applicable to the Britain from the 1860's to 1970's. Translating Chaucer might be a bit of a spot of work, chaps.

(see English language varieties for pronunciation and spelling differences between American and British English.)

Phrases

Basics

Common signs OPEN Open CLOSED Closed ENTRANCE Entrance EXIT Exit PUSH Push PULL Pull TOILET W.C., TOILET, LOO (see also below for MEN and WOMEN) MEN Gentleman WOMEN Ladies FORBIDDEN [It is] Forbidden/Prohibited, (Note: May include the infamous "BY ORDER" if it's a prohibition in law or by "bye-laws".)

Hello.

Good Morning. (HEH-low)

Hello. (informal)

Hello. (HIGH)

How are you?

How are you? (HOW ah YOO?)

Fine, thank you.

Jolly well, old chap. (FIGHN, then KYOO)

What is your name?

What is your name? (WUT iz yer NAYM?)

My name is ______ .

My name is ______ . (Migh NAYM iz _____ .)

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. (NIGHSS t' meet YOO)

Please.

Please. (pleez)

Thank you.

Why, thank you. (THANK yoo)

You're welcome.

You're most welcome. (yuhr WEL-kuhm)

Yes.

Yes. (YESS)

No.

No. (NOH)

Excuse me. (getting attention)

Excuse me. (ehkz-KYOOZ mee)

Excuse me. (begging pardon)

Pardon me. (ehkz-KYOOZ mee)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. (IGHM SAW-ree)

Goodbye

Goodbye (if late) Good Night. (Forceful) Good Day, [Sir!](GUHD-bigh.)

Goodbye (informal)

Bye. (BIGH)

Help!

Help! (HEHLP!)

Look out!

Look out! (look OWT!)

Good morning.

Good morning. (guhd MOAN-ing)

Good evening.

Good evening. (guhd EEV-ning)

Good night.

Good night. (guhd NIGHT)

Good night (to sleep)

Good night. (good NIGHT)

I don't understand.

I am afraid I didn't get that. (IGH doan UHN-dur-STAND)

I don't think you are correct

I think you are mistaken.

Where is the toilet/john?

Where are the [gentleman's/ladies] conveniences? or Where is the loo? or Where can I spend a penny? (WAYR iz thuh TOY-leht?)

Where is the bathroom?

(assuming this is a euphemism and you don't actually intend to take a bath) Where is the loo?

Problems

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone! or Back off

Leave me alone (very strong)

Sod off! (...)

Don't touch me!

Keep your hands off me! (...)

I'll call the police.

I'll summon the law!/police/constable!/Bobby! (...)

Police!

Police! (...) also Bobby!/Constable! (...)

Stop! Thief!

Stop! (Pause) Thief! (...) or "Stop that man/woman!"

I need your help.

I require your [urgent] assistance. (...)

It's an emergency.

Apologies, It's an emergency! (...)

I'm lost.

I seem to have lost my way (...)

I lost my bag.

(lost) I have misplaced my bag. (...) (stolen) My bag has been taken/snatched/stolen

I lost my purse

(lost, female) Where did I put my handbag? (stolen) My bag's been nicked!

I lost my wallet.

(lost) I have misplaced my wallet. (...) (stolen) My wallets been taken/stolen/snatched

I'm sick.

I'm sick. (...)

I've been injured.

I've suffered an injury, Can you assist me? (...)

I need a doctor.

Call for a/summon the doctor! (...)

Can I use your phone?

Do you mind if I use your phone? (...)

Fire!

Fire! (NB: This should NOT be used in a crowded venue, It would be wiser to alert the venue staff discreetly.)

This bag is not mine

This isn't my luggage.

Numbers

Broadly the same as American English, but note :

1,000,000,000

one thousand million or: one milliard

1,000,000,000,000

one billion

number _____ (train, bus, etc.)

a number _____ (...)

Also note that there are 4.5 litres in an Imperial gallon.

Telephone numbers

1 plus... (toll call)

0 + number (trunk call)

011-

00 (or pre late 90's) 010

9-1-1

9-9-9, the national emergency number (1-1-2 is also valid in the post-EU era. In the London Director area, WHItehall 1212 rang Scotland Yard.)

PEnnsylvania 6-5000

Pardon me, but could you please ring the innkeeper?

Clock time

one o'clock AM

one AM (...)

two o'clock AM

two AM (...)

one o'clock PM

one PM (...)

two o'clock PM

two PM (...)

2·45

quarter to 3

3·50

ten [minutes] to three

3·55

five [minutes] to three

3·59

One minute to three

3·00

three [o'clock]

3·01

one minute to three

3·05 : five [minutes] to three

3·10

ten past three

3·15

quarter past 3 or three fifteen

3·30

three thirty; half four

noon (12·00)

noon (...)

midnight (24·00 or 0·00)

midnight (...)

3;00 am (same day)

three o'clock, this morning

3;00 pm {same day)

three o'clock, this afternoon. or three o' clock today.

3

00 am (next day) : three o'clock tomorrow morning.

(note: Approximations are common place... such as 3:20 would be "between three fifteen and three thirty" or 3:08 "between 5 and ten past three"

Transportation

Bus and train

How much is a ticket to _____?

"How much is a (single/return) for _____? (...) or "What is the fare for ...?"

One ticket to _____, please.

One (Single/return for) _____, please. (...)

Where does this train/bus go?

Where does this train/motorcoach go? (...)

Where is the train/bus to _____?

Where is the train/motorcoach for _____? (...)

Does this train/bus stop in _____?

Does this train/motorcoach stop at _____? (...)

When does the train/bus for _____ leave?

When does the train/motorcoach for _____ leave/depart? (...)

When will this train/bus arrive in _____?

When will this train/motorcoach arrive at _____? (...)

Directions

How do I get to _____ ?

How do I get to/find the ______? (...) or Where is the ______?

...the train station?

railway station? (...)

...the bus station?

...the (motor) coach station? (...)

...the airport?

...the airport/aerodrome/landing field? (...)

...downtown?

...town centre? (...)

...the _____ hotel?

...the _____ inn? (...)

... business premises of _____?

... the offices of _____ (...)

... site/park office ____?

... (parks, countryside) relevant estate Office .. (industrial and construction projects, and ) works office.

...the American/Canadian/Australian/British consulate?

...the American consulate/consul? The Canadian/Australian deputy high commission? (...)

Where are there a lot of...

Where may I find a selection of ... (...)

...hotels?

...hotels/inns? (...)

...restaurants?

...restaurants? (...)

...bars?

...taverns/pubs? (...)

...sites to see?

...sites to see? (...)

Can you show me on the map?

Could you show me it on a map/plan ? (...)

street

of the street (...)

Turn left.

Turn left / Take a left (...)

Turn right.

Turn right. /Take a right (...)

• Note: Both the former may amended to a named location form, "left/right at ________ " )

left

left (...)

right

right (...)

straight ahead

straight ahead/Straight on [at the _____] (...)

towards the _____

towards the _____ (...)

past the _____

past/after the _____ (...)

before the _____

before the _____ (...)

Watch for the _____.

Watch for the _____. (...)

intersection

crossroads, junction of ____ and ____ (...)

north

north (...)

south

south (...)

east

east (...)

west

west (...)

uphill

uphill (...)

downhill

downhill (...)

Notes:

• In Scots speaking areas you may encounter a taboo about 'widdershins' (counter clockwise) directions.

Taxi

a taxi

a hackney carriage or cab

Taxi!

Taxi! (...)

Take me to _____, please.

Take me to _____, please. (...)

How much does it cost to get to _____?

What's the fare to _____? (...)

Take me there, please.

Take me there, please. (...)

This isn't the way to _____

This isn't the way to _____ is it?

Not so Fast

A little less rough, please.

Stop! I feel sick!

Stop the Cab! Something I had for (lunch/supper/dinner/etc..) has disagreed with me.

Lodging

Do you have any rooms available?

Do you have a room? or Is there any room at the inn? (...)

How much is a room for one person/two people?

Board for one person/two people would be? (...)

Does the room come with...

Does the room come with... (...)

...bedsheets?

...linens? (...)

...a bathroom?

...a bathroom? a water closet? (...)

...a telephone?

...a telephone? (...)

May I see the room first?

May I see the room first? (...)

Do you have anything quieter?

Do you have anything away from the street/motorway? (...)

...bigger?

...bigger? (...)

...cleaner?

...cleaner? (...)

...cheaper?

...for a lower budget (...)

...that isn't haunted?

...that isn't haunted?

OK, I'll take it.

OK, I'll take it. (...)

I will stay for _____ night(s).

I will be staying/stopping for _____ night(s). (...)

Can you suggest another hotel?

Can you suggest another venue? (...)

Do you have a safe?

Do you have a safe? (...)

...lockers?

...somewhere I could leave luggage? (...)

Is breakfast/supper included?

Are meals included? (...)

What time is breakfast/supper?

What time is breakfast/supper? (...)

Please clean my room.

My/The room is filthy. Please arrange for this to be remedied (...)

Can you wake me at _____?

Can you wake me at _____? (...)

I want to check out.

I would like to check out. (...)

They check in, but they don't check out.

A fine rubbish tip you have here, chaps.

Money

The pre-1971 British pound (￡1) consists of 20 shillings or 240 pence. One guinea is ￡1, 1s.

Do you accept American dollars?

Do you accept American dollars? (...) Will you take American dollars?

Do you take personal/travellers checks?

Will a personal cheque/draft/travellers cheque be acceptable? (In English, to "check" is to verify. In Canada, "check" is likely a hockey term, eh?)

Do you accept credit cards?

(Earlier eras) Is a letter of credit acceptable? (...)

BankAmericard (Visa)

Barclaycard

MasterCharge (MasterCard)

Access, EuroCard (not to be confused with EuroCheque, a cheque-cashing card or "guarantee card".)

Can you change money for me?

Can you exchange money for me? (...)

Where can I get money changed?

Where can I get money exchanged? (...)

Can you change a traveler's check for me?

Where could I get a cheque cashed? (...)

Where can I get a traveler's check changed?

Where can I get a traveller's cheque changed? (...)

What is the exchange rate?

What is the exchange rate? (...)

Where is the teller/cashier

Where can I find the teller/cashier/ (on ships) purser?

Where is an automatic teller machine (ATM)?

Where is the cashpoint? (...)

Where is someone that CAN do this?

Where is the manager? the proprietor? the landlord?

Eating

(Note: In some more expensive eateries, the menu will be in French or Italian. If the menu is in American and covered with McDrivelLand characters, choose another restaurant.)

A table for one person/two people, please.

I would like a/ or Do you have a table for one person/two people, please. (...)

I do not have a reservation

I have not booked. (...)

Can I look at the menu, please?

Can I examine the menu, please? (...)

Can I look in the kitchen?

Can I inspect the kitchens? (...)

Is there a house specialty?

Is there a house speciality? (...)

Is there a local specialty?

Is there a local speciality? (...)

I'm a vegetarian.

I murder poor, defenceless vegetables. (...)

I don't eat pork.

I don't eat pork. (...)

I don't eat beef.

I am not one of the legendary Beefeaters. (...)

I only eat kosher food.

I only eat kosher food. (...)

I can't eat ____ because _____.

I can't eat ____ because ____. Can your establishment accommodate this?

Can you make it "lite"/"light", please? (less oil/butter/lard)

Can you use less "fat/oil/butter/lard", please? (...)

fixed-price meal

fixed-price meal (...)

a la carte

à la carte (...)

breakfast

breakfast (...)

lunch

lunch / luncheon (...)

tea (meal)

tea (...)

supper

supper (...)

I want _____.

Do you have _____. (...)

I want a dish containing _____.

Do you have a dish containing _____. (...)

chicken

chicken (...)

beef

beef (...)

fish

fish (...)

ham

ham (...)

sausage

sausage (...)

cheese

cheese (...)

eggs

eggs (...)

salad

salad (...)

(fresh) vegetables

(fresh) vegetables (...)

(fresh) fruit

(fresh) fruit (...)

bread

bread (...)

toast

toast (...)

noodles

noodles (...)

rice

rice (...)

beans

beans (...)

May I have a glass of _____?

A glass of _____, Please? (...)

May I have a cup of _____?

A cup of _____, Please? (...)

May I have a bottle of _____?

A bottle of _____?, Please (...)

coffee

coffee (...)

tea (drink)

tea (...)

juice

juice (...)

(bubbly) water

mineral water (...)

water

water (...)

beer

beer (...)

red/white wine

red/white [wine] (...)

May I have some _____?

May I have some _____? (...)

salt

salt (...)

black pepper

black pepper (...)

butter

butter (...)

Excuse me, waiter? (getting attention of server)

Excuse me, waiter? (...) or the French Garçon! (Boy!)

I'm finished.

I have finished. (...)

It was delicious.

It was excellent. My compliments to the chef. (...)

Please clear the plates.

Please clear the plates. (...)

The check, please.

The bill, please. (...)

I wish to speak to the manager!

The manager/landlord, please? (...)

Bars (also applicable to Pubs/Inns and Taverns)

Do you serve alcohol?

Do you serve alcohol? (...)

Is there table service?

Is there table service? (...)

A beer/two beers, please.

A beer/two beers, please. (...)

A glass of red/white wine, please.

A glass of red/white wine, please. (...)

A pint, please.

A pint, please. (...)

A bottle, please.

A bottle, please. (...)

_____ (hard liquor) and _____ (mixer), please.

_____ and _____, please. (...)

whiskey

whiskey (...) (or depending on your tastes) 'single malt','scotch'

vodka

vodka (...)

rum

rum (...)

water

water (...)

club soda

soda [water] (...)

tonic water

tonic water (...)

orange juice

orange juice (...)

Coke (soda)

Coke (...)

Do you have any bar snacks?

Do you serve bar snacks? (...)

One more, please.

One more, please. (...)

Another round, please.

Another round, please. (...)

When is closing time?

When do you close? (...) (NB. Strict Licensing is from the Late 1910s's to mid 1990's and pubs close at 11pm punctually.)

Cheers!

Cheers! (...)

I wish to speak to the manager/proprietor!

the Landlord, please?

Here's a tip (paying a gratuity)

And one for yourself?

Shopping

Do you have this in my size?

Do you have this in my size? (...)

How much is this?

How much is this? (...)

That's too expensive.

Sorry, It's beyond my means (...)

Would you take _____?

Would you take _____? (...)

expensive

rather dear, I must say (...)

cheap

cheap (...)

I can't afford it.

I can't afford it. (...)

I don't want it.

I don't really fancy that. (...)

You're cheating me.

You're cheating me. (...)

I'm not interested.

Forget it!. (..)

OK, I'll take it.

OK, I'll take it. (...)

Can I have a bag?

Can I have a bag? (...) or Is it possible to get it wrapped?

Do you ship (overseas)?

Do you ship (overseas)? (...)

Which way is the drugstore?

Could you please direct me to the chemist's shoppe?

I need...

I need... (...)

...toothpaste.

...toothpaste. (...)

...a toothbrush.

...a toothbrush. (...)

...tampons.

...a feminine item. (...)

...soap.

...soap. (...)

...shampoo.

...shampoo. (...) (Note: There are strict limits on sham poo in 21st century carry-on baggage. Bring the real poo instead.)

...pain reliever. (e.g., aspirin or ibuprofen)

asprin/painkiller (...)

...acetaminophen.

...paracetamol.

...cold medicine.

...a remedy for colds. (...)

...stomach medicine.

...stomach medicine. (...)

...a razor.

...a safety razor. (...)

...an umbrella.

...an umbrella. (...)

...sunblock lotion.

...sun protection. (...)

...male contraceptive devices

something for the weekend (NB. You should be very sure of the man you are asking this of!)

...a postcard.

...a postcard. (...)

...postage stamps.

...postage stamps. (...)

...batteries.

...batteries. (...)

...writing paper.

...writing paper. (...)

...a pen.

...a pen. (...)

...English-language books.

...English-language books. (...)

...English-language magazines.

..."popular" magazines/journals. (...)

...an English-language newspaper.

...a Fleet Street broadsheet. (...)

...an English-American dictionary.

...a translation dictionary. (...)

...My hovercraft is full of eels.

...wha??

Driving

I want to rent an automobile.

I wish to hire a motor car/horseless carriage. (...)

Can you show me how it works?

I'm not familiar with this type of vehicle, can you advise on its correct operation?

Is this vehicle insured, taxed?

Does this vehicle have insurance/a tax disc?

Can I get insurance?

Can I get this insured? (...)

hood

bonnet

trunk

boot

car, automobile

motorcar

Interstate, freeway, turnpike

motorway

traffic circle

roundabout

stop (on a street sign)

STOP! (...)

one way

one way (...)

keep right

No, you blimey fool! Keep left! Oh, and stay off the pavement or you will jolly well hit a pedestrian!

yield

GIVE WAY (...)

no parking

no parking (...)

speed limit

speed limit (...) but may be shown numerically.

gasoline station

Garage, petrol station, filling station, forecourt (...)

gas, gasoline

petrol (...)

diesel

diesel (...)

Authority

Why have I been stopped?

What seems to be the trouble officer (if you know the rank: Constable/Sergeant/Inspector )?

I haven't done anything wrong.

I'm sorry (officer/Constable/Sergeant/Inspector) but I think you'll find there's been a mistake. (...)

It was a misunderstanding.

There appears to have been a bit of a misunderstanding. (...)

I did not throw the governor's tea in the harbor.

Blimey, gov, you don't mean me, do ya?

Where are you taking me?

Where are you taking me? (...)

Am I under arrest?

Am I being arrested? (...)

I am an American/Australian/British/Canadian citizen.

I am an American/Australian/British/Canadian (citizen). I am a loyal subject of his/her majesty king xy / queen whatsherface (...)

I want to talk to the American/Australian/British/Canadian embassy/consulate.

I need to talk to the American consul/official for the Colonies/Foreign Office/Australian representative/Canadian representative. (Australia and Canada send High Commissioners, not ambassadors as, like the UK, they are Commonwealth realms.) (...)

I want to talk to a lawyer.

Allow me to speak with/I would like to speak with, my solicitor/legal advisor. (...) or I would like legal advice before I say anything. (In the UK, but not the colonies, barrister is a separate occupation from solicitor.)

Can I just pay a fine now?

Is there a fine/penalty to be paid? (...)( Note: Fines and penalties in the UK, for the most part were not paid on the spot like on the continent. Also a perceived bribe was a very serious matter indeed.)

Other language points to note

?

Words with different meanings

(see also English_language_varieties#Vocabulary)

The British meaning is given..

ass

Donkey, mule, beast of burden, (Do not use this expression to describe an idiot.)

Fags

(English) cigarettes. "I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched."

Fanny

(English) front bottom, (American) back bottom (A "fanny pack" therefore translates into English as a "bum bag".)

Be careful! - The English usage of this OTHER than as a proper name, is considered an obscene vulgarity.

[to] table (v.)

Place up for consideration

nick

In verb usage similar to American, but also used as a slang term for police facility/prison.

pants

[male] undergarments.

rubber

has various meanings; if you walk out of the chemists with a rubber boot, you have erred and may need a rubber to erase your mistake

scrumpy

Extreme from of hard cider.

transfer (transport)

connection